AMBITION IS THE CURSE OF THE TALENTLESS

Several months ago I was writing in my journal and the title of this post came to me. I scribbled it in the margin and promised to revisit it at a later date.

So here I am.

If there is one thing I have been told by a great variety of people it's that I am ambitious to the nth degree. When I set my mind to something (which is usually the struggle) I accomplish it. It may not always work to perfection but seldom is it left unfinished.

But here I sit at the age of 31. I have quit my job - which took me ten years of hard work to achieve a position of authority. I am chasing after my dream life (which I sometimes doubt is really my dream) of writing and filming as a lifestyle.

Maybe I'm not good enough to make it as a writer. Maybe my vision with film is nothing special. It occurs to me that if I wake up and I'm 50 years old, broke and tired and still "chasing after my dreams" that ambition will have been my curse. And so will my dreams. So maybe the title of this post should be "Ambition and dreams are the curse of the talentless."

Ambition and dreams can propel people to success. But can they also hold people down?

LYRIC OF THE DAY

One of the best encore performances I've ever seen was by Aerosmith with the song "Dream On." This song, and these lyrics, have a special place in my heart.

Every time I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It goes by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life
is in books' written pages
Lived and learned from fools and
from sages
You know it's true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away

Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream until your dreams come true
Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream until your dream comes through
Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream On Dream On
Dream On Dream On

Sing with me, sing for the year
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
Sing with me, sing for the year
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away......

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone."
-Tommy Cooper

VIRTUAL VAMPIRE VAGINA

I am obsessed with dreams. I've talked to several people who never remember their dreams and others that only remember dreams occasionally. I typically wake up to a memory of between 1 to 3 dreams a night. They are vivid dreams and I can't help but think that if anyone could watch my dreams each night they would label me psychotic.

I've read books by Freud and Jung and tried analyzing my dreams but any verdict would leave quite a bit of reasonable doubt. For instance, one of my more embarrassing dreams happened when I was around 15 years old (I think). I was walking alone on a dirt country road, I felt lost. I came upon an old farmhouse surrounded by absolutely nothing and hesitantly knocked on the front door. A woman answered and invited me in. I couldn't tell if she knew me or was just being overly kind to a stranger. The woman made me dinner and then led me up to a room on the second floor. In the room was a girl (presumably my age) laying in bed. I don't remember the "mother" saying anything to me but for some reason I got the idea that I was supposed to have sex with her daughter. The woman left the girl and I alone in the room and locked the door so I couldn't escape. I started making out with the girl who was far more aggressive than I ever would have imagined. They were hard kisses and she was almost strangling me with arms wrapped around my neck. I reached down between her legs and felt something strange. Cold metal. I jumped up and threw back the covers - she had metal teeth for a vagina...which were opening and closing in a chomping motion! Well, obviously I got freaked out and started frantically looking for a way to escape. The girl started crying and I could hear the mother coming up the stairs. I escaped out of the second floor window and made my way to the ground where I started running down the road. The mother started chasing after me yelling for me to return. Then I woke up.

Now this dream could easily be identified as representing my anxiousness and insecurity with sex - which I hadn't had at this point in my life. I also must have felt pressure to have sex which would have been represented by the mother. But I get the feeling that there is even more involved than that. I've given up trying to analyze my dreams because the subconscious creates such crazy scenarios. I can't figure out if every dream has a point or not - some seem completely insane with no relevance to me...but I'm sure it is relevant somehow.

The other night I experienced deja vu. I was out with friends and someone said something that made me a bit dizzy. I knew I had experienced it before, which was impossible since I had just met these people. I believe there have been times when I have dreamt something from the future. I'm not saying my dreams predict the future but occasionally I feel like I have dreamt a scenario and then when it happens I get a little dizzy because I know I've experienced it already.

In any case, I'm not sure what the point of this post is. I do think about dreams often, particularly because I think they are prime examples of how complicated we are as humans and how complicated life is. There is so much mystery, not only in the world, but inside each of us. Which I think makes life even that much more exciting and interesting. And I think it also proves that we are capable of so much more than we'll probably ever know.

So now that I have told you my embarrassing adolescent dream, care to share a dream you have had? It doesn't have to be embarrassing, just a dream that has stuck with you for some time. Come on, don't be shy...

I DEFINITELY SMELL A PORK PRODUCT OF SOME KIND

There was a quote I posted earlier by Friedrich von Schiller which said, "Keep true to the dreams of thy youth."

I started thinking back to all the professions I wanted to be when I was a child. The progression went something like this:

Pig Farmer (and why not?!)
Writer
Miniature Golf Course Owner (I even put together a business plan with a model based around selling pop)
Baseball Player
Business Owner (Nothing specific)
Writer/Film Director

I've never had one profession that I felt like HAD to happen. I know some people that at the age of ten knew they were going to be a lawyer. And they became a lawyer. I don't think I've ever had that feeling of destiny before. I'm not so sure it's a bad thing...just how it is.

If you wouldn't mind sharing - when you were a child, what did you want to grow up to be?

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Keep true to the dreams of thy youth."
-Friedrich von Schiller

LYRIC OF THE DAY

"Only in Dreams" by Weezer

You can't resist her
She's in your bones
She is your marrow
And your ride home
You can't avoid her
She's in the air (in the air)
In between molecules
Of oxygen and carbon dioxide

Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams

You walk up to her
Ask her to dance
She says, 'Hey baby
I just might take the chance'
You say, 'It's a good thing
That you float in the air (in the air)
That way there's no way
I will crush your pretty
Toenails into a thousand pieces.'

Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...