YOU CAN COME OVER BUT YOU CAN'T TALK...AND TRY NOT TO BREATH TOO LOUD

I'm extremely surprised at the length of time in which I've sought solitude. I'd estimate that it has been over seven months now. In that time I've preferred books to parties, movies to pubs, and the chirping of birds in the local park to the chirpings of a date. The longer it goes, the more I question this being a faze. I'm beginning to believe I very well could be evolving into this person.

Ever since I was a child I've enjoyed time alone - but I've always been skilled at socializing. When I'm in a situation where people are shy or having difficulty conversing, I can be that moderator. Likewise when I'm in a situation where conversation is flowing naturally, I typically sit back and enjoy the comfort of a nearby corner.

I bring this up because I was beginning to wonder if the skill of socializing could diminish. I was worried that by shunning people and parties I may forget how to relate to people. Last night I went out with co-workers to a pub and I felt as though I had made a good appearance. I didn't embarrass myself and I really enjoyed the conversation. I hope I don't become a complete hermit. I hope I remember that the most intriguing thing to me in this world is people. I hope, once I've figured out whatever I'm trying to figure out, that my current craving for silence is equal to that of companionship.

NO LONGER A GROUPIE

I've noticed a change in myself recently - I no longer enjoy group settings as I once did. I actually feel uncomfortable and uneasy at events with more than four people. And there are a lot of event with more than four people! Especially in NYC.

I doubt people notice...I'm still pretty good at carrying on a conversation but I no longer feel good about it. As I posted previously, I'm finding myself more and more annoyed with "small talk." And in group settings I feel that is the majority of the conversation. By far I prefer one-on-one, more intimate conversation. I'm a little concerned that I feel uncomfortable in group settings now. It's one thing not to like them as much but it's another to feel uneasy in them. Again, I doubt people notice...but I do.

I've really become a bit of a loner over the past two years. The times I go out with friends are typically because THEY contact me. I'm bad at staying in touch and often find myself preferring low key activities to a night of bar hopping with friends. Most of my weekends involve seeing classic movies...by myself. And then going to the park to write. I'm not complaining, this is my choice. I worry a little about WHY I prefer movies and writing to social functions. But I don't have much of an answer to it. If you told me three years ago that my life would become what it has I would place the odds at 1000 to 1. And I would have bet the house on it. And I would have lost the house.

Okay, I got off-topic. The entire point of this post comes down to this: Has my preference for low-key activities affected my social skills? I've had 31 years of what I'd consider exemplary social skills. Could two years of increased solitude-time already diminish those skills?