TAKE MY LIFE...PLEASE!

I was having a drink with a friend last week and we were talking about how having children alters your life. Neither of us have children which is why the conversation came up. We both have always wanted a family but are currently at a point where we feel that if it doesn't happen for us, we could live with that.

At one point in the conversation my friend said that when you have children you no longer have your life. Your life belongs to the child. After thinking about this statement a bit I realized I have been ready and willing to "give up my life" for quite some time. Close to ten years maybe. I've wanted to have one purpose - to provide for my family and raise my children well. At least then I would know my purpose. It would be a clear goal for the rest of my life. Right now I have the whole world wide open to me. A billion possibilities, but no known purpose.

Just to be clear - I don't want to have a family just so I have a purpose. That is a secondary result of such an action.

But to stay on the topic of..."choice", I suppose. I remember being a teenager and wanting to go to jail. I didn't proactively think, "I should rob a store so I can go to jail" or anything like that. But I did find a strange peace in the idea of being locked in a cell with no options but to think. Take my choices, I don't know what to do with them. I know this sounds weird. Of course jail isn't pleasant but, at that point, I didn't care much about what was pleasant for me. I just wanted time to sort things out. And I wanted an excuse.

So here I am, 31 years old, single, currently unemployed and plenty of time on my hands to think. A bit ironic I guess. None-the-less, I'm pretty happy with where I am at. I'm more comfortable with the idea of having so many possibilities open to me...but if the right woman comes along (and she wants a family) I won't shed many tears over the diminishing opportunities for my future. If she doesn't come along I hope I take advantage of that "other life" I may be fated for.