A GHOST STORY

Okay, I'm back. This has been a very busy month for me, but I have no complaints. Things are good. I am absolutely loving my film editing class right now. I've learned so much and have really enjoyed the projects. I've also continued writing and enjoying all the wonderful things New York City has to offer. As an example, in my film class we studied D.W. Griffith, a director from the silent film era, and so I was curious to see one of his films. Well, I looked up the movie show times for theaters in NYC and low and behold the Museum of Modern Art was showing a D.W. Griffith 1923 silent film over the weekend. Where else (at least in the U.S.) could I find a 1923 silent film at my beck and call but NYC? I love this city. Anyhow, it gets better. I go to see the film and they had a live piano player play music to the silent film - just like it would have been done in 1923. It was so cool. At least for a movie geek like me. Of course I couldn't find anyone interested in going with me, this is one of those things I like to do that others find boring. None the less, I really enjoyed it.

On a side note - A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend and wrote me an e-mail about how upset he was. He said the following which got me thinking, he said, "I had found my purpose in life and it was to make her smile. Now it's over." I've felt like this before but looking back I feel like it was a burst of emotion that wasn't reasonable. I believe in people having a purpose in life but I can't say I agree that it could be serving or loving ONE other person. I don't think that's a direct purpose. Maybe a side purpose. Does this make sense? I would love to be in a relationship with someone that "fits" me. But I don't know if I want my PURPOSE in life to be simply "to be in that relationship." Is this confusing? I feel like this is confusing. Anyhow, just something I was thinking about.

Lastly, I entered a screenwriting contest called the NYC Midnight Screenplay Competition. The competition has 600 people participating. We were all sent a genre and a subject last night at midnight. We have to write a 15 page screenplay about the topic within the genre in 1 week. Then a handful of people move on to the second round where we participate in the same process only this time we only get 24 hours to write the screenplay. My first round genre is: ghost story. The subject is: e-mail. Ugh, what a terribly difficult combination. Well, I'd better start working on this if I'm going to win. Wish me luck!

I CAN TIE A CHERRY STEM WITH MY TONGUE

I received one of those e-mail chains where you need to fill out information about yourself and send it back to friends. You know, the ones that ask your middle name or favorite smell. On this particular one there was a question asking for my "Special Talent." I must have sat at my computer for ten minutes trying to come up with my "special talent", no luck.

EVERY DAY I think about how fortunate I am. I think about the amazing support structure I have with my family and friends and the overall situation I have going for me in life in general. For gods sake, I'm taking some time off of work and traveling to Europe for a month! But am I happy? Not fully.

I feel like I'm missing something. Something big. I used to just chalk it up to love and a lack of successful dating relationships. Which it could be. But recently I've been thinking that I can look past being in love (outside the general sense) if I can find that "talent" that I can be passionate about.

I used to want one thing in life - a family. Honestly, I have always been able to see myself concentrating on a job that supports my family and feeling fulfilled. But I'm 31 years old and that hasn't come to me. So I've had to start looking at other ways in which I feel fulfilled. And by "fulfilled" I basically mean contributing positively to life. If it isn't going to be through raising children the right way and (hopefully) setting an example in marriage, then it must be through a talent or, at a minimum, proactive passion. This is what I've been searching for.

At one point I thought it was going to be through writing or filmmaking. But I have constant doubts about that. It could be through getting involved with non-profit work, but as I've volunteered often and witnessed how the non-profit world works, I have my doubts there as well. I'm still searching.

I've been very excited about 2007. Partly because I'm in a more comfortable position in my life. Certainly more comfortable than I've ever been previously. And partly because I feel like I have a huge challenge ahead of me - which is both scary and exciting. I feel like I am in that small window in time where I have the best chance to dictate my success in life. I feel like I am at a place where I have a better grasp on an understanding of myself and life, and I'm still young enough to be considered a commodity. All I need is to find out what my talent is. Passion is never the problem for me - sometimes I think that's all I have inside of me, along with love, which I suppose play into one another. I know everyone has a talent. It's just a matter of finding it. The search continues...