MEET ME BY THE MONKEY BARS

So the other night I was out with a group of people. Most were friends of friends. We were at a premier party for the movie 23 which opened on Friday. At this party was a booth where the studio would film you revealing your darkest secret or obsession. The video then gets posted on youtube and one selected winner will receive $2300.

No one within the group participated but we talked about funny things we could say. There were a lot of animal sex references which was a little disturbing but not as disturbing as what I'm about to tell. One of the guys in the group volunteered, "I was molested by my female babysitter when I was five." Now, he didn't say it like it was a traumatic experience. He said it as if he was proud. A moment later ANOTHER guy in our group says, "I was molested by my female babysitter too!" The two men proceeded to give each other a high five.

My first thought was, "why are they happy about this? It has to have some serious psychological ramifications." My second thought was, "Why wasn't I molested by my babysitter? Wasn't I cute enough?" Okay, I didn't seriously think that but it's kind of funny.

Anyhow, I started to wonder how prevalent such an act is and how different it is to the two sexes. I would wager the psychological effects are the same for each sex but socially, it is very different. Kind of like the female school teacher that was busted having an affair with her thirteen year old student. If it had been a man that molested the thirteen year old, serious consequences would have followed. But since it was a woman, it was viewed almost as if the boy probably wanted it. And they are probably right. But it's still tragically wrong. In any case, I'm not sure I have a point to this post, just something I've been thinking about. It amazes me how physically and psychologically the effects of something like this are probably the same for both sexes but how a social perspective can treat the two entirely different.

I'll try to write a more uplifting message tomorrow. Naw, probably not. Forget I mentioned it.

WARNING: EXCESSIVE TEASE - THIS POST MAY INDUCE BLUE BALLS

Yesterday I decided that in today's post I would share an experience that happened to me in second grade. Something that affected me greatly and that probably helped shape a large part of who I am. The fact that I still think about it as often as I do should be an indicator of how powerful this was for me. I have never told ANYONE about this.

Throughout the night I wondered how I would go about writing this event down in a way that would do it justice. And it occurred to me that posting this to my blog could never do it justice. A blog is an open page on the web for anyone to happen across. If I post my most personal experiences to a blog for anyone to read, doesn't that minimize it's impact - at least in the eyes of the reader?

My closest friends are the ones who have taken an interest in getting to know me. They were genuinely interested and put in the time - which is no easy task. I've typically chosen girlfriends the same way (at least it was a major part of the criteria). I actually enjoy sharing some of these experiences and thoughts with people but I've always used it as a type of reward.

Now I know the word "reward" seems extremely arrogant. I certainly don't mean it that way. It's the only word I can think of to use in this case. I suppose, in a way, the word "reward" in this instance means love. Yes, it's a pathetic representation of love but it really is one of the few ways I feel comfortable showing it.

I keep a folder which is bursting at the seams. It is full of memories from my past - pictures, letters, mementos. I was dating this girl a few years ago and we were struggling with accepting our relationship as a commitment. She was constantly harping on me that I never talked about my family with her and that the only information I shared was "safe" information. She was right. So one evening I introduced my folder to her and invited her into my world. She was extremely appreciative. It helped our relationship for a while but ultimately things didn't work out. The folder may have been a bit of an overload for her!

There have always been two things that I have considered "rewards" for girlfriends (and some friends) - 1. Sharing my most personal experiences and 2. Meeting my family. Few have met my family because it is the closest thing to me. It scares the hell out of me to think that my grandfather, the man I look up to most, may not be around for much longer and if I ever finally meet the person I'm going to end up with forever, she won't have had the chance to meet him. But there are some things I can't control. And boy have I learned that love is certainly at the top of that list!

I suppose the point of this post is that I have decided NOT to share my second grade experience. It shouldn't be posted to a website for anyone to see. It should be reserved for a moment where I can share it with one person who I trust. I'll probably owe it to them.