I bitch way too much. I have a great family, good friends, I'm finally out of debt, and I am happy with my resume. I look over this blog and I see a whole lotta bitchin'.
The reason I'm bringing this up is because I think a part of me has always looked for an excuse for NOT succeeding. Or maybe I was always looking for a justification for how I was feeling. Not sure. Here is a petty example but an example none-the-less: My hairline started receding when I was about 23 years old. Friends told me I should try using Rogain. I scoffed at them. I told them I should be happy with who I am regardless of how I look. And that if other people were going to judge me on my lack of hair than fuck them. And deep down I do believe that. But truthfully, after the initial shock of it all, I was a little bit happy to be losing my hair.
Why would I be happy to be losing my hair? It's a good questions. I think, especially at that time in my life, I was insecure with so many things about myself and particularly with why a woman would like me over someone else, I thought somehow losing my hair could act as the excuse for my other insecurities.
Like I said, it's a petty example. I find it interesting though. And I think sometimes I might still fall into that trap (on a much less consistent basis though) where I'm somewhat happy to have something bad happen because it gives me an excuse not to face my other insecurities.
Do we need to face our insecurities? Are we supposed to try to "fix" them or simply accept them?
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8 comments:
I think that we all go through things like this though. It makes things easier when it doesn't work out b/c you don't have to try anymore, or you have an excuse. We are all guilty of that I think...well maybe not your one friend who never gets depressed or upset about anything...he's probably always fine!! haha
I was like that when Hurricane Floyd hit my place in NC. It was a bitter sweet moment because my friends were not as fun as I thought they would be when we moved and it was hard to be around them. Also we were very poor...eating hot dogs and store brand mac and chz everyday (no joke) so it kind of helped to have something bad happen and make us come home.
I never had an easy life...I was always push for the situations that I couldn't not even think or choose; I just had to go through the things, no matter how insecurite I was. I beleive the the hard time can help us to develope opportunities for ourselves. Many times in my life I face to the hard choices of "I have to do it or I have to do it" and I did, the results were successful and I couldn't beleive myself...
Anne - will you please get off my boy's back! I'm starting to think you may be in love with him. :-) And I forgot about the hurricane! Thanks for the comment.
Polly - I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit. I believe some of the times where you felt like you "had to do" something may not have been due to a lack of a choice but rather the strength in your heart or soul or whatever entity it is that we have that gives us courage and pride. You have had a difficult life (no doubt) and I have a tremendous amount of respect for who you are and how much you've overcome. You are a strong individual and I think that strength was probably always within you, but didn't come out until you confronted your fears and insecurities. Ah Polly, thank you for commenting on my blog. I really enjoy your insight.
That's why I need be push, because I don't give me enough credit, you're right, I don't...I need to be under obligation, otherwise my strength will be "sleeping" inside me. That's the real Polly my dear friend pagoda...
beijos
"my dear friend pagoda" - that cracked me up.
I am the most insecure person ever...I constantly try to fix whatever it is I think is wrong. Hell, I'm even thinking about getting braces and I'm 28 years old!
Thank you for posting Kirsten! One day years ago, after having dinner with a friend it finally struck me that EVERYONE is insecure. I always told myself that but I never really believed it was on a level with my insecurity. That moment when I realized everyone is insecure is when I started to SLOWLY accept who I was. Of course, that is an everyday battle but I'm happy with where I've gotten compared to where I was.
For what it's worth I think you are one of the most beautiful people I've ever met.
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