Ok, so I've written a bit on being more calm in regards to life in general. There is a sort of realization that all I can do is try my best - as some things are out of my control. On one hand, this calming makes life more enjoyable. On the other hand I wonder if it isn't giving up. I'll explain.
I remember having deep conversations over Busch beer with my college friends. We would talk about god, religion, politics, the meaning of life...things like that. I loved these moments and I vowed to never stop questioning these things because I didn't want to end up a zombie in life.
When I would make trips home I would talk to my parents about these topics as well. Their answers never sufficed because there was no proof. I felt like they had accepted an idea and stuck with it - never questioning the flimsy arguments I felt were made. I vowed never to do this.
Flash forward ten years and I see myself as falling into the same pattern everyone seems to fall into. I've come to the understanding (I think) that there is no truth in life. That we can't possibly KNOW the truth about anything until we die and either meet our maker or not. With that thought I feel at ease, or the "calm" as has been mentioned comes over me. It's an acceptance of fate in our lives. But with that calm comes a lack of ambition for trying to figure life out. I mean, yes, I think that it's possible that regardless of the attempt to figure out the meaning of life, it just can't be done because truth will not be revealed to us until we lay on our deathbed. But does that mean we should stop trying to figure it out? Am I falling into the same trap everyone falls into with age? Is it a trap or a revelation? Is it solid knowledge or do we just get tired of chasing our tail?
More importantly - can we enjoy life while seeking out meaning or does the enjoyment of life actually come with an acceptance of not being able to figure it out...or an acceptance of a specific idea that we like that answers our questions?
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After the death of my father I became agnostic and those questions were in my mind for long long time and I think that the meaning of life is the pleasure :) and maybe something else happen after we died, maybe not...for while I just want to enjoy every little single good thing in life.
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