CAN A EURAIL PASS GET YOU TO HEAVEN?

Ok, so I've written a bit on being more calm in regards to life in general. There is a sort of realization that all I can do is try my best - as some things are out of my control. On one hand, this calming makes life more enjoyable. On the other hand I wonder if it isn't giving up. I'll explain.

I remember having deep conversations over Busch beer with my college friends. We would talk about god, religion, politics, the meaning of life...things like that. I loved these moments and I vowed to never stop questioning these things because I didn't want to end up a zombie in life.

When I would make trips home I would talk to my parents about these topics as well. Their answers never sufficed because there was no proof. I felt like they had accepted an idea and stuck with it - never questioning the flimsy arguments I felt were made. I vowed never to do this.

Flash forward ten years and I see myself as falling into the same pattern everyone seems to fall into. I've come to the understanding (I think) that there is no truth in life. That we can't possibly KNOW the truth about anything until we die and either meet our maker or not. With that thought I feel at ease, or the "calm" as has been mentioned comes over me. It's an acceptance of fate in our lives. But with that calm comes a lack of ambition for trying to figure life out. I mean, yes, I think that it's possible that regardless of the attempt to figure out the meaning of life, it just can't be done because truth will not be revealed to us until we lay on our deathbed. But does that mean we should stop trying to figure it out? Am I falling into the same trap everyone falls into with age? Is it a trap or a revelation? Is it solid knowledge or do we just get tired of chasing our tail?

More importantly - can we enjoy life while seeking out meaning or does the enjoyment of life actually come with an acceptance of not being able to figure it out...or an acceptance of a specific idea that we like that answers our questions?

I SHED MY COCOON. TURNS OUT I'M A COCONUT LIVING AT THE BOTTOM OF AN APPLE TREE

I few years ago I went through a critical transformation. I can't really remember the exact point where it had ended. What I do remember is that I woke up one day and realized I had accepted who I was. I may not have been COMPLETELY comfortable with it, but I accepted it. And I was certainly MORE comfortable with it than I had been previously. It was a tough road but one that, once complete, was well worth it and made life much more enjoyable.

For a short period of time I thought it was the ONLY major transformation I would go through in life. The big one. Finding myself. But I realize now that there are more to come. We are a constant evolution. Which is scary. Which is why I think people fight it - as I did. Eventually people either win and move on, stay where they are and lose, or sadly, take a step back and give themselves one hell of an uphill battle to fight. I wanted to stay where I was even though I was pretty miserable. I was comfortable there. Eventually I gave in and "shed my cocoon." It was like reintroducing myself to my family, friends and life. It was as uncomfortable a time as I can remember. Some people accept the "new you," some people don't. That's unfortunate.

But "finding myself" isn't really all that accurate. I believe I'm still finding myself each day. The transformation I'm speaking of was the first hurdle - overcoming expectations and social pressure. Completing that first challenge makes the next one much easier...I imagine. I know it makes life much easier. It's confidence you gain. Maybe not in every area you would like but certainly a general confidence in yourself.

I have a good friend that I believe got stuck in this transformation stage and has never taken the risk to peel the skin and reveal what is underneath. He portrays himself as the same person now as he was at 16. The funny thing is that I don't think anyone buys it anymore. It's a farce. It would be better for him to take the risk and be more open than allow people to place their assumptions on him. I'm a pretty guarded person in certain areas and on certain topics so I should take this advice - it's so much easier to say than do.

I have another friend that I think is going through this transformation now. And I am so excited for her because I can see and feel the confidence building in her that was nonexistent previously. It's a strange feeling to be excited for her because it is due to some really difficult obstacles she is encountering in her life that I believe is pushing her through this stage. And I care for her so much that all I want is life to be kind to her. I think it's probably relative to each person but I think her obstacles are more difficult than the ones I encountered. I wonder if that will make her stronger than if they had been less traumatic? But, as I said, if it's relative maybe it doesn't matter. Now that I've written this down I'm rethinking the relative comment...

I love the phrase, "when life throws you a lemon, make lemonade." I wish I could live like that. Maybe after my next transformation...