GIDDY UP!

I'm boring. I can see how people could easily be "over me" in a short span of time. I'll grant myself that I have experienced a lot and have a wide variety of interests but I still think I'm boring. Actually, now that I just wrote that maybe boring isn't the right word. I think the better word is "exciting." I'm not very exciting. I think this has also been a big part of my problem with relationships. Women want to be excited, and I don't blame them. Who doesn't want to be excited? But I'm not very exciting. I'm practical. I'm an idealist with realist tendencies. I'm a dreamer that seldom shares those thoughts for fear of ridicule. I analyze EVERYTHING. I am emotionally open...but not on the topics I hold closest to my soul. I'm just not very exciting. I used to be exciting. That used to be the appeal for women. I used to drink a lot. I did drugs. I was argumentative and angry. I was rebellious against just about everything. I was opinionated. Women seemed to like that. Then I stopped drinking so much. I gave up drugs. I became more open-minded. I felt my anger subside. I became boring (or unexciting, whatever).

When I look in the mirror I wonder where that reckless boy went. Sometimes I want him to come back. Most of the time I'm glad he's gone. I just wish being me was more exciting. Actually, I'm happy with the "excitement" in my life - especially right now. I guess what I'm saying is I wish OTHER people found me exciting. The thought of that makes me laugh though. I can't see anyone finding me very exciting - not after the initial period at least.

A friend of mine from Texas said the following the other night, "At first girls think it's exciting to be with a cowboy (he's a cowboy) but after a while they can't understand why I can't be a cowboy just some of the time and not all the time. Well, I'm a cowboy." I guess I kind of feel the same way. At first I think women find my life fairly exciting - in a possibility kind of way. Then they see what my life actually entails and it just isn't very glamorous. How do you make writing and dreaming glamorous? I wish I knew. Maybe I should become a cowboy.

HOW MANY PINA COLLADAS CAN YOU DRINK IN HEAVEN BEFORE YOU VOMIT?

So I wasn't completely sure what I was going to post today. But as I ran through my first blog comments (Thank you Polly!) I came across an interesting point. Polly commented that her idea of Heaven is boring - vast stretched of beautiful landscape and people wearing angel smiles. "Hell", she said, seems exciting, controversial and well, more interesting. I never really thought about it that way!

I remember people commenting on how perfection is boring because you have nothing to work towards. And that "winning" is bitter-sweet...because it's the end of the task. Is Heaven similar? Can you actually get bored with Heaven? Eternity is a long time - what do people do up there?! I suppose my idea of Heaven is more a concept where whatever you want Heaven to be, it becomes. So in my friend Polly's case maybe she'll turn Heaven into Hell.

I've half-joked before that I think Earth is Hell. Well, what if it's Heaven? Lets say your time comes up and you are lifted up to the gates of Heaven. Peter asks you, "close your eyes and imagine your Heaven. When you walk through the gate, that's what you will have." What if I close my eyes and I imagine being back on Earth? Another chance. So here I am...in Heaven.

If Peter told you the same thing, what would you imagine as you walked through the gate?

Second question - if you can pick one moment in time to freeze for eternity, what would it be?