I'm just going to blurt this out. I know it's crazy but it's something I need to deal with and, now that I recognize it, I mine as well write about it.
I've spoken previously about how I THINK I've subconsciously plotted to destroy every romantic relationship I've had. A close friend of mine, who pointed this out to me, asked why I feel unworthy of being with someone. I've thought about that a lot because, in a way, I think she's on the right track. But it isn't so much that I feel unworthy to be with them, instead I feel so strongly for them that I feel they deserve the best the world has to offer. I can't possibly give them what I feel they are entitled to. And I don't believe this is a self-deprecating thought, I understand what I have to offer people and I'm content with it. No, it's simply about loving someone so much that I don't want to be the roadblock to the happiness and perfection I think they deserve.
Of course I know the odds of someone being in a "perfect" relationship is pretty much nil, but I hold out hope that for this special person in my life it may be possible. And I ask them to search.
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1 comment:
very-strong-sef-defense??
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