I remember telling a friend of mine a couple of years back that I had finally accepted who I was. The implication within that statement is that I had "found myself." And to a degree I think that is true...to a degree. There is always a lot of talk about individuals needing to find themselves, particularly when someone does something wrong or gets themselves into a difficult situation. Why is finding yourself such a difficult and allusive task?
I think it's because there is no such thing as finding yourself completely. I firmly believe that life is a constant learning experience and this includes a natural evolution of self. I don't think you "find yourself" and then that's it - you are who you are and can now live a consistent life. Every day brings new experiences that can alter our perceptions, and reveal inner secrets. So if these experiences lead to constant change, how can we ever find ourselves? I mean I suppose it's possible that we can find ourselves at a given place in time - what I'm saying is that we don't have this person inside each of us that once unlocked acts as a guide for who we will be to the very day we die.
I've found certain things out about myself, some more important than others in an attempt to build a level of comfort with who I am, but I can't say I've definitively found myself. I don't think that's possible unless I become too stubborn to continue learning.
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I'd die if I "found myself" and thats it...the end of experiences to alter my perceptions. But then I could never live in a monotony. Thats why I hate college so much, i detest the idea of timetables and datesheets and day planners. But thats not the point.
But look at it this way; why do we have to be so weak that we can't stand firm on what we percieved the world to be?
This is a kind of thing that I never ever was in to find out about...I've heard and I still hear a lot of my friends saying this "I have to find myself"...jesus!! was I too busy all the time in my entire life that I never had this question? It is just weird, for me, to think about it...I don't really know how can you be searching yourself...I have no idea what kind of thoughts people have in their mind when they are looking for themselves...I'm nothing but whatever I've experienced in life, I know exactly where I came from, what I have being trhough in life and I'm the result of it. Am I missing something?? am I miss understanding things?? by the way...all my friends who are looking for themselves have some kind of esoteric beleives...
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