ART OF THE DAY

This is a street in Cordoba, Spain called "Scarf" because it is so narrow and winding. I propped myself up between the buildings to take a photo.

ART OF THE DAY

This is a photo I took in Sevilla, Spain. A girl was reading a book on the river boardwalk as the sunset's reflection glares off the water.

I'M POUNDING AWAY

As I walked through the unfinished La Sagrada Familia cathedral in Spain I could hear the thunder of hammers pounding on the exterior. The cathedral has been under construction for over 150 years and is far from completion. Of all the beautiful architecture I was privileged to see on my trip to Spain, this was my favorite. I was wide eyed and slack jawed while staring at the detail of this immense structure.

I began to think about those hammers pounding away. So many construction workers have (I'm guessing) dedicated a significant portion of their lives working on this building while all the while knowing they would never see it finished. Even today the cathedral is so far away from being finished that those working on it are sure to never see the results. I thought about a nearly seventy year old man spending the last day of his life packing up his belongings after working over 50 years on the cathedral. How would that feel? Accomplished? Would it feel like something is missing?

In a way I think it may be a good parable for life in general...or the world. We are all working on the world over the course of our lives but we know we'll never see the end results. I suppose feeling a sense of contribution may be good enough. Life also. We work on ourselves, our thoughts, feelings, ideas and "spirits" (in quotes because this can mean very different things to different people). In the end, will we see what we strive for? Most likely not the big picture goals. Does it matter?

Again, I suppose in the case of the construction worker he works and counts on so many people to help move the cathedral forward in its plans that all he can do is his best. He goes to work each day, works as diligently and responsibly as possible so that he is always proud of himself and can take pride in his work. He knows he won't live to see the cathedral finished but he knows he did his best and he made a positive contribution.

I guess that's how I feel about life.

ART OF THE DAY

A girl sitting in front of me on the train was staring out the window for the entire 4-hour trip. I stared at her reflection in the window wondering what she was thinking about. The picture didn't come out as good as I had hoped but I like it none-the-less.

ART OF THE DAY

A photo I took of a Salvador Dali painting at the museum in Figueres, Spain. So much of his work was based around his lover Gala - it was romantic to see what an influence she was on his mind. And every painting didn't seem like a longing or even a happiness of her/with her, but rather an extreme adoration for her.

THE CALMING OF THE STORM

One of the friends I was visiting on this past trip to Spain is an ex-girlfriend from several years ago. The extent of our conversation over the past two years has consisted solely of 6 e-mails.

After I arrived and we settled in for a few drinks she told me about how she warned all her roommates and friends that we would probably argue and fight the entire time I was visiting. That thought had never crossed my mind.

We ended up having such a great time that she made me come back for one last night before I left Spain for home. She remarked that I had changed so much since we dated. I disagree. I think we both are pretty much the same, just more comfortable with ourselves...which has calmed us.

I realized how much of a reaction we are capable of having strictly out of feeling uncomfortable. For instance, I always considered myself (as other did as well) an angry person when I was younger. I would get riled up fairly easily in a debate and took very hard-nosed stances on topics. I never backed down, instead I would escalate. In retrospect it may have been a little less pure anger and more of a reaction to unwanted confrontation (probably a mix actually). A self-defense mechanism. With age I think I've gotten more comfortable with myself and my outlooks thus lessening my reactions to circumstances. A calming.

I'm not going to get into it now but for tomorrow's post I want to talk about this "calming" as possibly being an acceptance of life which induces less "seeking" which could be a bad thing...maybe...or not...

Stay tuned...

ART OF THE DAY

I love this photo - hope it doesn't come out too dark. It's a priest in the St. James Cathedral in Santaigo Spain (St. James remains are buried there - he was beheaded in the year 44). On the lower-right hand side you can see the shoes of a woman confessing her sins. It looks kind of spooky, no?

FOUND GUILTY ON ALL ACCOUNTS!

In keeping with the theme of this blog I'm going to speak mostly about any revelations or insights I had during my travels across Spain.

So I'm going to start at the top - on a personal level, what was this trip about? First I have to say that I THOUGHT this trip was going to be an introspection into the topics I wrote about in this blog prior to leaving - emotional security and self esteem to name two. In reality it ended up being something very different. For me, this trip ended up being a retrospection on my life...all of it.

We'll start in Madrid where one evening my friend Katie and I were drinking many beers and talking about, well, everything. At one point she turned to me and said, "you have a tremendous amount of guilt. What for?" I said she was correct, I do have a lot of guilt but I don't know why. I know that I'm sorry for many things I've done in the past but it doesn't add up to the intense feeling of guilt I've always felt (the Catholic curse?...).

From there we'll head to Valencia where I had been thinking about this guilt thing and trying to understand not only where it came from but also how to end it - or at least find a better way of living with it. I was walking around Valencia when I came upon a young guy playing the guitar in the street. I recognized the song but it took me a moment to realize what it was as he was singing it in Spanish. The song was Wonderwall by Oasis which has a special meaning to me concerning a past girlfriend. It's also the relationship from my past with the most guilt attached to it. That really got me thinking. That night I laid down in bed thinking about the day's activities and I began having visions of experiences from my past. It was unbelievable - I was remembering things I never thought I'd ever remember. A few examples: My first memory ever - crawling around the house with my mother at the kitchen sink (I must have been 1 year old), another was sitting on the stairs of our house as a child crying because our cat tore half its ear off, and another of a girl in high school that I never said a word to but had a crush on (I don't think I've thought about her since I graduated high school). The rest of the trip I was reminiscing on my past and I didn't seem to be skipping anything. Some of the memories were happy and some were sad but I was thinking about things I didn't think my brain held on to anymore. It was a freeing experience.

I'll end this post with a quote from my travel journal I was keeping as I traveled around Spain: "This trip, for me, was a deep retrospection into my life. If for no other reason it has planted a more secure calm within me for one can't look back at their experiences with intense remembrance indicating patterns and paths without feeling an ease as to fates unaltering role in our existence."

It was Spaintastic!

I'm back! I arrived at JFK yesterday afternoon. For as wonderful as the trip to Spain was for me, I was excited to arrive home. A month is a long time to be gone.

I will be spending today catching up on mail, bills and laundry, as well as beginning the process of sorting through the 500 pictures I took.

Here is the order of stops on my trip: Madrid, Toledo, Sevilla, Granada, Cordoba, Valencia, Barcelona, San Sebastian, Santiago, Salamanca, Madrid, and home. Even the locals were jealous of my trip as I have now seen more of Spain than most of them!

Spain is such an interesting country because it is so different from one place to the next. Even the language changes drastically from one section of the country to the next. All in all though, I have to say that the most interesting reality for me was how similar people are. I expected some major cultural shocks when living and dealing with the people of Spain and I couldn't have been more wrong. In the end, people are people and, other than the language barrier, I was made to feel comfortable most everywhere I traveled.

Today's post is going to be a short one as I have a lot of catching up to do on the things previously mentioned. But stay tuned...I have plenty of topics to write about in this blog in the coming weeks. Obviously this trip was very impactful to me, but in a way very VERY different from what I expected. More on that coming up...

I'm revived, refreshed and energetic - ready for a great summer ahead (it's 70 degrees here today!).

TO YOU I BEQUEATH MY HE-MAN ACTION FIGURE

Well, I'm mostly all packed up and ready to go on my trip to Spain. My excitement is tinged with nervousment particularly because I have never been on a vacation this long. Prior to this, my longest vacation was one week...and other than Canada, has never been international. I don't really have an itinerary set because I want to be completely free. I know areas I want to visit but if something comes up I'll be able to quickly change my plans without having to worry about hotel/hostel/train reservations. I hope to come back with a host of good stories and pics...and of course new revelations on life and the direction I am heading.

This won't surprise those of you who know me well, basically because I'm a morbid son of a bitch, but I drafted a will last night (knock on wood) just in case my plane goes down or something goes terribly wrong on this trip. I'll be visiting a few areas where Americans aren't the most popular people - like Basque country and Morocco. I don't have much to give to anyone but I wanted to make sure a few things were taken care of and also that I said a few things I would want to say. I'm not even sure that this will would be official because I didn't have a witness or a notary but whatever.

Writing this will was interesting. Now I'll admit that I've often daydreamed about my funeral. I know, it's weird, but I've done it. And I look around the church at who would be there, who would be truly sad, what the speakers would say, even how I would look in the casket (never good of course). Writing a will was different, it made me think about my most cherished possessions and who I would want to have them. It made me think about those people around me that would even WANT anything from me - and would THEY cherish what I gave them? I actually enjoyed it. Not surprising. My journals, and there are many, were what I was most concerned about. On one hand I don't want anyone reading them ever. And on the other hand I wonder if anything in them would help anyone.

In any case, my brother received most everything. My Hermano and I are really close - we speak for hours each week and I'd trust him to distribute everything. Plus I sort of feel like he would want to be the one in charge.

I know all of this probably sounds crazy but I enjoy thinking about my mortality. I really do. I think it keeps me focused and my life prioritized in a way I can feel good about. And believe it or not, I get this trait from my mother. She told me ten years ago that she was ready to die, not because she was super unhappy but rather because she wanted heaven so bad. And everyone wonders why I'm so strange...

Tomorrow will be my final post until March 25th when I return. It's so close!

OF COURSE I WANT TO GO TO A TOPLESS BAR. OH, YOU SAID "TAPAS."

This weekend I booked a flight to Spain for 25 days in March. Although I was born in Naples, Italy (Navy brat), I have never traveled overseas since returning to the United States when I was one year old. I have three friends who are currently living in Spain that are generously helping me out with my itinerary. So far the itinerary looks something like this:

Madrid
Bilbao
Barcelona (with a one-day excursion to Figueres to see the Salvador Dali museum)
Valencia
Granada
Malaga
Morocco (A 2 hour boat ride to the tip of Africa from the South of Spain)
Seville
Cordoba
Back to Madrid

Traveling like this has always been a dream of mine. In fact, I've wanted to do this so badly that even though I've booked my flight I still feel like it might not happen - I've wanted to do this for SO long!

I can't imagine a better way to understand life than to travel the world. I am in awe of the history and progress of the world and so visiting a castle built in 1420 blows my mind. One of the reasons I chose to move to New York City was the old world feel of it all. Something simple like going to a fruit stand when you need fruit, or going to a butcher shop when you need meat was attractive to me for whatever reason. It was certainly different than going to a superstore for anything and everything.

I went to see the movie "Letters From Iwo Jima" this past weekend. I also rented the movies Judgement at Nuremberg and The Americanization of Emily. All three of these movies were very good and I recommend seeing each them. There was an overriding theme to these films - war, honor and humanity. One of the themes however, which is relevant to this post, is how we are essentially all the same...we are human. So although we have divided ourselves by skin color, religious beliefs, and bordered nationalism, the fact remains that under it all, we are human. I don't know if this would necessarily be the best thing for the world or not, I'm sure it would have it's downfalls, but what if our ultimate loyalty wasn't to our families or friends or religion or country? What if our ultimate loyalty was to humanity?

I suppose at its core, religion attempts to do this. It basically asks us to honor a higher power that reveres human life and humankind without exception. I want to emphasise "at its core" because I am very disappointed with what I believe is the corruption of religious values that has been hijacked by power mongers within the church. But I'll save that for another post...

The point being, I am going to travel to Europe and Africa for almost 4 weeks and I am so excited to witness the versatility of humanity and to gain a deeper appreciation of our history and life itself. I'm also extremely nervous to be doing this trip alone! I'm sure my stops in cities where I have friends will be a sight for sore eyes. None the less, I wish I was leaving tomorrow.