I was watching a show on the History Channel about ancient Mayan prophecies. One such prediction was that the world would end on December 21, 2012. IF this were somehow proven to be scientifically sound, how would your life change? What would you do differently?
I wish I had a hundred readers so I could get a wide sample of responses to this question, because my first thought is that we should live every day as if we knew the world would end on December 21, 2012. However, I suppose there is the possibility that someone would have a take that proved contrary to this assumption.
So, for my few loyal bloggies, how would your life change? What would you do different?
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
MAYBE IT'S MY TIME
Every day I have the same conversation with my landlord (he's 87 years old). It goes something like this -
Me: Hi Ben. How are you doing today?
Ben (The Landlord): Not good, not good. I have a cough (pounds chest).
Me: That's no good. Well, it's a beautiful day today (trying to change subject).
Ben: Maybe it's my time (not allowing me to change the subject).
Me: No, no, not yet Ben (Selfish thought runs through my head - will my rent go up if he passes away?)
Ben: What are ya gonna do? (shrugs)
Me: Well, have a good day Ben, hope you feel better.
Ben: Okay.
Seriously, this happens EVERY day. His wife passed away three years ago and I think he is ready himself. One time when he was drunk he told me "I'm ready to visit my wife." But the interesting thing is that I'm pretty sure if he really wanted to die it would have happened already. I mean, he would lay down one day to bed and just not wake up - give up in his mind and let the body follow. But he doesn't. He's actually quite a fighter.
I don't know that I would be such a fighter in his situation. And every day I wonder why he keeps trucking on. But every day I see the mailman and certain neighbors stop by and talk his ear off (Ben says little) and I think that maybe it's not about him. Maybe it's about him being an ear for a neighbor or the mailman. Maybe it's about showing perseverance to the lady down the street that just lost her husband. Maybe Ben's existence as we know it today isn't for or about him at all. Maybe he's sticking around to enrich someone else's life without even knowing it. Maybe that's what life is about for all of us. If so, I'm not sure how to feel about that. It's kind of cool in a way...and also really depressing. As if our purpose is to just keep things running along, but not to actually accomplish anything. I suppose it would take some pressure off of life though.
Me: Hi Ben. How are you doing today?
Ben (The Landlord): Not good, not good. I have a cough (pounds chest).
Me: That's no good. Well, it's a beautiful day today (trying to change subject).
Ben: Maybe it's my time (not allowing me to change the subject).
Me: No, no, not yet Ben (Selfish thought runs through my head - will my rent go up if he passes away?)
Ben: What are ya gonna do? (shrugs)
Me: Well, have a good day Ben, hope you feel better.
Ben: Okay.
Seriously, this happens EVERY day. His wife passed away three years ago and I think he is ready himself. One time when he was drunk he told me "I'm ready to visit my wife." But the interesting thing is that I'm pretty sure if he really wanted to die it would have happened already. I mean, he would lay down one day to bed and just not wake up - give up in his mind and let the body follow. But he doesn't. He's actually quite a fighter.
I don't know that I would be such a fighter in his situation. And every day I wonder why he keeps trucking on. But every day I see the mailman and certain neighbors stop by and talk his ear off (Ben says little) and I think that maybe it's not about him. Maybe it's about him being an ear for a neighbor or the mailman. Maybe it's about showing perseverance to the lady down the street that just lost her husband. Maybe Ben's existence as we know it today isn't for or about him at all. Maybe he's sticking around to enrich someone else's life without even knowing it. Maybe that's what life is about for all of us. If so, I'm not sure how to feel about that. It's kind of cool in a way...and also really depressing. As if our purpose is to just keep things running along, but not to actually accomplish anything. I suppose it would take some pressure off of life though.
Monday, May 28, 2007
WAIT AND HOPE
I just got home from a weekend in Detroit (my home town). I saw my brother and his family, and visited with my Aunts and Uncles as well. It is amazing how much I bitch about being alone and yet when I see first-hand the incredible amount of work that goes into sustaining a relationship my knees buckle. I wonder if I can do it. Or maybe a more honest way of putting it is: I wonder if I really WANT to do it.
On a different subject...sort of. I just finished reading The Count of Monte Cristo. It was a fantastic book - long, but well worth it. The moral of the story is (if you haven't read it but think you may, don't read any further) - that despair can be overcome by understanding the power of two words - "wait" and "hope." The overarching theme of a screenplay I'm currently writing is very similar: "you can't predict the future." These are the themes I need to think about when despair creeps into my life.
There have been times when I wanted to end my life. I never gave it a serious try but, at times, pleaded with God for his mercy. The fact that I'm writing this means it wasn't granted. At least not in the way I had requested. The fact is, I DID receive mercy. The mercy however wouldn't be granted for years after my plea. If there is something I have learned in life (at least as much as we believe we have learned) it's that you never know what is in store. Life may seem worthless or too painful for an effort. But you don't know what lies ahead for you. If you have it within you to "wait" and "hope" you may be pleasantly surprised. And if you aren't...well, at least you'll know.
On a different subject...sort of. I just finished reading The Count of Monte Cristo. It was a fantastic book - long, but well worth it. The moral of the story is (if you haven't read it but think you may, don't read any further) - that despair can be overcome by understanding the power of two words - "wait" and "hope." The overarching theme of a screenplay I'm currently writing is very similar: "you can't predict the future." These are the themes I need to think about when despair creeps into my life.
There have been times when I wanted to end my life. I never gave it a serious try but, at times, pleaded with God for his mercy. The fact that I'm writing this means it wasn't granted. At least not in the way I had requested. The fact is, I DID receive mercy. The mercy however wouldn't be granted for years after my plea. If there is something I have learned in life (at least as much as we believe we have learned) it's that you never know what is in store. Life may seem worthless or too painful for an effort. But you don't know what lies ahead for you. If you have it within you to "wait" and "hope" you may be pleasantly surprised. And if you aren't...well, at least you'll know.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
TO YOU I BEQUEATH MY HE-MAN ACTION FIGURE
Well, I'm mostly all packed up and ready to go on my trip to Spain. My excitement is tinged with nervousment particularly because I have never been on a vacation this long. Prior to this, my longest vacation was one week...and other than Canada, has never been international. I don't really have an itinerary set because I want to be completely free. I know areas I want to visit but if something comes up I'll be able to quickly change my plans without having to worry about hotel/hostel/train reservations. I hope to come back with a host of good stories and pics...and of course new revelations on life and the direction I am heading.
This won't surprise those of you who know me well, basically because I'm a morbid son of a bitch, but I drafted a will last night (knock on wood) just in case my plane goes down or something goes terribly wrong on this trip. I'll be visiting a few areas where Americans aren't the most popular people - like Basque country and Morocco. I don't have much to give to anyone but I wanted to make sure a few things were taken care of and also that I said a few things I would want to say. I'm not even sure that this will would be official because I didn't have a witness or a notary but whatever.
Writing this will was interesting. Now I'll admit that I've often daydreamed about my funeral. I know, it's weird, but I've done it. And I look around the church at who would be there, who would be truly sad, what the speakers would say, even how I would look in the casket (never good of course). Writing a will was different, it made me think about my most cherished possessions and who I would want to have them. It made me think about those people around me that would even WANT anything from me - and would THEY cherish what I gave them? I actually enjoyed it. Not surprising. My journals, and there are many, were what I was most concerned about. On one hand I don't want anyone reading them ever. And on the other hand I wonder if anything in them would help anyone.
In any case, my brother received most everything. My Hermano and I are really close - we speak for hours each week and I'd trust him to distribute everything. Plus I sort of feel like he would want to be the one in charge.
I know all of this probably sounds crazy but I enjoy thinking about my mortality. I really do. I think it keeps me focused and my life prioritized in a way I can feel good about. And believe it or not, I get this trait from my mother. She told me ten years ago that she was ready to die, not because she was super unhappy but rather because she wanted heaven so bad. And everyone wonders why I'm so strange...
Tomorrow will be my final post until March 25th when I return. It's so close!
This won't surprise those of you who know me well, basically because I'm a morbid son of a bitch, but I drafted a will last night (knock on wood) just in case my plane goes down or something goes terribly wrong on this trip. I'll be visiting a few areas where Americans aren't the most popular people - like Basque country and Morocco. I don't have much to give to anyone but I wanted to make sure a few things were taken care of and also that I said a few things I would want to say. I'm not even sure that this will would be official because I didn't have a witness or a notary but whatever.
Writing this will was interesting. Now I'll admit that I've often daydreamed about my funeral. I know, it's weird, but I've done it. And I look around the church at who would be there, who would be truly sad, what the speakers would say, even how I would look in the casket (never good of course). Writing a will was different, it made me think about my most cherished possessions and who I would want to have them. It made me think about those people around me that would even WANT anything from me - and would THEY cherish what I gave them? I actually enjoyed it. Not surprising. My journals, and there are many, were what I was most concerned about. On one hand I don't want anyone reading them ever. And on the other hand I wonder if anything in them would help anyone.
In any case, my brother received most everything. My Hermano and I are really close - we speak for hours each week and I'd trust him to distribute everything. Plus I sort of feel like he would want to be the one in charge.
I know all of this probably sounds crazy but I enjoy thinking about my mortality. I really do. I think it keeps me focused and my life prioritized in a way I can feel good about. And believe it or not, I get this trait from my mother. She told me ten years ago that she was ready to die, not because she was super unhappy but rather because she wanted heaven so bad. And everyone wonders why I'm so strange...
Tomorrow will be my final post until March 25th when I return. It's so close!
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