I CAN TIE A CHERRY STEM WITH MY TONGUE

I received one of those e-mail chains where you need to fill out information about yourself and send it back to friends. You know, the ones that ask your middle name or favorite smell. On this particular one there was a question asking for my "Special Talent." I must have sat at my computer for ten minutes trying to come up with my "special talent", no luck.

EVERY DAY I think about how fortunate I am. I think about the amazing support structure I have with my family and friends and the overall situation I have going for me in life in general. For gods sake, I'm taking some time off of work and traveling to Europe for a month! But am I happy? Not fully.

I feel like I'm missing something. Something big. I used to just chalk it up to love and a lack of successful dating relationships. Which it could be. But recently I've been thinking that I can look past being in love (outside the general sense) if I can find that "talent" that I can be passionate about.

I used to want one thing in life - a family. Honestly, I have always been able to see myself concentrating on a job that supports my family and feeling fulfilled. But I'm 31 years old and that hasn't come to me. So I've had to start looking at other ways in which I feel fulfilled. And by "fulfilled" I basically mean contributing positively to life. If it isn't going to be through raising children the right way and (hopefully) setting an example in marriage, then it must be through a talent or, at a minimum, proactive passion. This is what I've been searching for.

At one point I thought it was going to be through writing or filmmaking. But I have constant doubts about that. It could be through getting involved with non-profit work, but as I've volunteered often and witnessed how the non-profit world works, I have my doubts there as well. I'm still searching.

I've been very excited about 2007. Partly because I'm in a more comfortable position in my life. Certainly more comfortable than I've ever been previously. And partly because I feel like I have a huge challenge ahead of me - which is both scary and exciting. I feel like I am in that small window in time where I have the best chance to dictate my success in life. I feel like I am at a place where I have a better grasp on an understanding of myself and life, and I'm still young enough to be considered a commodity. All I need is to find out what my talent is. Passion is never the problem for me - sometimes I think that's all I have inside of me, along with love, which I suppose play into one another. I know everyone has a talent. It's just a matter of finding it. The search continues...