This photo was also found on flickr - "Kiss" by reggaedori
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
QUOTE OF THE DAY
My first quote request - thanks Polly! It's a good one...funny.
"Be careful with advice, including this one."
-Carl Sandburg
"Be careful with advice, including this one."
-Carl Sandburg
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong
I see trees of green........ red roses too
I see em bloom..... for me and for you
And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world.
I see skies of blue..... clouds of white
Bright blessed days....dark sacred nights
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world.
The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky
Are also on the faces.....of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin.. how do you do
Theyre really sayin......i love you.
I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow
Theyll learn much more.....than Ill never know
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world
(instrumental break)
The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky
Are there on the faces.....of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin.. how do you do
Theyre really sayin...*spoken*(I ....love....you).
I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow
*spoken*(you know their gonna learn
A whole lot more than Ill never know)
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself .......what a wonderful world.
I see trees of green........ red roses too
I see em bloom..... for me and for you
And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world.
I see skies of blue..... clouds of white
Bright blessed days....dark sacred nights
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world.
The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky
Are also on the faces.....of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin.. how do you do
Theyre really sayin......i love you.
I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow
Theyll learn much more.....than Ill never know
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world
(instrumental break)
The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky
Are there on the faces.....of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin.. how do you do
Theyre really sayin...*spoken*(I ....love....you).
I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow
*spoken*(you know their gonna learn
A whole lot more than Ill never know)
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself .......what a wonderful world.
WARNING: EXCESSIVE TEASE - THIS POST MAY INDUCE BLUE BALLS
Yesterday I decided that in today's post I would share an experience that happened to me in second grade. Something that affected me greatly and that probably helped shape a large part of who I am. The fact that I still think about it as often as I do should be an indicator of how powerful this was for me. I have never told ANYONE about this.
Throughout the night I wondered how I would go about writing this event down in a way that would do it justice. And it occurred to me that posting this to my blog could never do it justice. A blog is an open page on the web for anyone to happen across. If I post my most personal experiences to a blog for anyone to read, doesn't that minimize it's impact - at least in the eyes of the reader?
My closest friends are the ones who have taken an interest in getting to know me. They were genuinely interested and put in the time - which is no easy task. I've typically chosen girlfriends the same way (at least it was a major part of the criteria). I actually enjoy sharing some of these experiences and thoughts with people but I've always used it as a type of reward.
Now I know the word "reward" seems extremely arrogant. I certainly don't mean it that way. It's the only word I can think of to use in this case. I suppose, in a way, the word "reward" in this instance means love. Yes, it's a pathetic representation of love but it really is one of the few ways I feel comfortable showing it.
I keep a folder which is bursting at the seams. It is full of memories from my past - pictures, letters, mementos. I was dating this girl a few years ago and we were struggling with accepting our relationship as a commitment. She was constantly harping on me that I never talked about my family with her and that the only information I shared was "safe" information. She was right. So one evening I introduced my folder to her and invited her into my world. She was extremely appreciative. It helped our relationship for a while but ultimately things didn't work out. The folder may have been a bit of an overload for her!
There have always been two things that I have considered "rewards" for girlfriends (and some friends) - 1. Sharing my most personal experiences and 2. Meeting my family. Few have met my family because it is the closest thing to me. It scares the hell out of me to think that my grandfather, the man I look up to most, may not be around for much longer and if I ever finally meet the person I'm going to end up with forever, she won't have had the chance to meet him. But there are some things I can't control. And boy have I learned that love is certainly at the top of that list!
I suppose the point of this post is that I have decided NOT to share my second grade experience. It shouldn't be posted to a website for anyone to see. It should be reserved for a moment where I can share it with one person who I trust. I'll probably owe it to them.
Throughout the night I wondered how I would go about writing this event down in a way that would do it justice. And it occurred to me that posting this to my blog could never do it justice. A blog is an open page on the web for anyone to happen across. If I post my most personal experiences to a blog for anyone to read, doesn't that minimize it's impact - at least in the eyes of the reader?
My closest friends are the ones who have taken an interest in getting to know me. They were genuinely interested and put in the time - which is no easy task. I've typically chosen girlfriends the same way (at least it was a major part of the criteria). I actually enjoy sharing some of these experiences and thoughts with people but I've always used it as a type of reward.
Now I know the word "reward" seems extremely arrogant. I certainly don't mean it that way. It's the only word I can think of to use in this case. I suppose, in a way, the word "reward" in this instance means love. Yes, it's a pathetic representation of love but it really is one of the few ways I feel comfortable showing it.
I keep a folder which is bursting at the seams. It is full of memories from my past - pictures, letters, mementos. I was dating this girl a few years ago and we were struggling with accepting our relationship as a commitment. She was constantly harping on me that I never talked about my family with her and that the only information I shared was "safe" information. She was right. So one evening I introduced my folder to her and invited her into my world. She was extremely appreciative. It helped our relationship for a while but ultimately things didn't work out. The folder may have been a bit of an overload for her!
There have always been two things that I have considered "rewards" for girlfriends (and some friends) - 1. Sharing my most personal experiences and 2. Meeting my family. Few have met my family because it is the closest thing to me. It scares the hell out of me to think that my grandfather, the man I look up to most, may not be around for much longer and if I ever finally meet the person I'm going to end up with forever, she won't have had the chance to meet him. But there are some things I can't control. And boy have I learned that love is certainly at the top of that list!
I suppose the point of this post is that I have decided NOT to share my second grade experience. It shouldn't be posted to a website for anyone to see. It should be reserved for a moment where I can share it with one person who I trust. I'll probably owe it to them.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
This is a photograph I pulled off Flickr - posted by mate12. It's the Shoot The Freak game at Coney Island. I absolutely love Coney Island. To me it's the saddest happiest place on earth. It has such a distinct feel to it. I've never been anywhere like it.
LYRIC OF THE DAY
This is the second song I've posted from Beck's "Sea Change" album. I've never heard a more emotionally vulnerable album in my life. Often I'll hear a song on the radio with fantastic lyrics describing emotion I once thought indescribable but some how the music falls flat (maybe the singing doesn't match the lyrical emotion). In any case, this album is raw emotion and I give Beck so much credit for allowing his fans a chance to see him in his most vulnerably state. Supposedly Beck wrote this album after a nasty break up with his girlfriend of many years. I gave this album to my father telling him it was the best I've heard in years and he gave it right back saying it was too depressing. Exactly.
"Paper Tiger" by Beck
Just like a paper tiger
Torn apart by idle hands
Through the helter skelter morning
Fix yourself while you still can
No more ashes-to-ashes
No more cinders from the sky
Let all the laws of creation
Tell a dead man how to die
The deserts down below us
And the storms up above
Like a stray dog gone defective
Like a paper tiger in the sun
Looking through a broken diamond
To make the past what should be
Through the ruins and the weather
Capsized boats in the sea
Deserts down below us
The storms up above
Like a stray dog gone defective
Like a paper tiger in the sun
I just hold on to nothing
And see how long nothing lasts
The deserts down below us
And the storms up above
Like a stray dog gone defective
Like a paper tiger in the sun
There's one road to the morning
There's one road to the truth
There's one road back to civilization
But there's no road back to you
"Paper Tiger" by Beck
Just like a paper tiger
Torn apart by idle hands
Through the helter skelter morning
Fix yourself while you still can
No more ashes-to-ashes
No more cinders from the sky
Let all the laws of creation
Tell a dead man how to die
The deserts down below us
And the storms up above
Like a stray dog gone defective
Like a paper tiger in the sun
Looking through a broken diamond
To make the past what should be
Through the ruins and the weather
Capsized boats in the sea
Deserts down below us
The storms up above
Like a stray dog gone defective
Like a paper tiger in the sun
I just hold on to nothing
And see how long nothing lasts
The deserts down below us
And the storms up above
Like a stray dog gone defective
Like a paper tiger in the sun
There's one road to the morning
There's one road to the truth
There's one road back to civilization
But there's no road back to you
I'VE BECOME A CEREAL KILLER
I've been unemployed for two days now and realized something important. Not only did work stress me out but it destroyed my sense of healthy eating! The past two mornings I got out of bed, made myself a bowl of cereal with a banana cut up in it, and a glass of juice. For lunch I had soup and a sandwich. For dinner I had a hamburger with a side of vegetables.
During a normal work week I didn't even take the time to eat breakfast, lunch was generic and dinner was whatever could be done quickly and easily. I didn't have time to eat well.
People are always talking about the differences between America and Europe - Americans live to work and Europeans work to live. I agree that America's work ethic is a bit of a problem (I would say it's not the work ethic actually but the materialism instead) but Europe has a problem too. Most Europeans are allowed to take massive amounts of time off of work each year, which they do. The problem is that few can enjoy the time off of work because they can't afford to leave the house. I've never felt relaxed AND poor. The two can't go hand in hand...for me at least. Having said that, I despise money really - I just want to be comfortable.
It may seem like I'm getting off track here but the point is, I need to remember to take care of me and those I love. And I've never loved a boss or a company. In the future I need to take time to be healthy - as my mom has always said, "the mind, body and spirit need constant nourishment." If nothing pans our for me in 2007 and I find myself back behind a desk at some corporate office, I promise myself here and now to eat a bowl of cereal each morning...preferably with a banana.
During a normal work week I didn't even take the time to eat breakfast, lunch was generic and dinner was whatever could be done quickly and easily. I didn't have time to eat well.
People are always talking about the differences between America and Europe - Americans live to work and Europeans work to live. I agree that America's work ethic is a bit of a problem (I would say it's not the work ethic actually but the materialism instead) but Europe has a problem too. Most Europeans are allowed to take massive amounts of time off of work each year, which they do. The problem is that few can enjoy the time off of work because they can't afford to leave the house. I've never felt relaxed AND poor. The two can't go hand in hand...for me at least. Having said that, I despise money really - I just want to be comfortable.
It may seem like I'm getting off track here but the point is, I need to remember to take care of me and those I love. And I've never loved a boss or a company. In the future I need to take time to be healthy - as my mom has always said, "the mind, body and spirit need constant nourishment." If nothing pans our for me in 2007 and I find myself back behind a desk at some corporate office, I promise myself here and now to eat a bowl of cereal each morning...preferably with a banana.
Monday, January 29, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
This is a cool photograph entitled, "Clock of the Academie Francaise" by Andre Kertesz
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"Beast of Burden" by the Rolling Stones
I’ll never be your beast of burden
My back is broad but it’s a hurting
All I want is for you to make love to me
I’ll never be your beast of burden
I’ve walked for miles my feet are hurting
All I want is for you to make love to me
Am I hard enough
Am I rough enough
Am I rich enough
I’m not too blind to see
I’ll never be your beast of burden
So let’s go home and draw the curtains
Music on the radio
Come on baby make sweet love to me
Am I hard enough
Am I rough enough
Am I rich enough
I’m not too blind to see
Oh little sister
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, girl
You’re a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl
Pretty, pretty
Such a pretty, pretty, pretty girl
Come on baby please, please, please
I’ll tell ya
You can put me out
On the street
Put me out
With no shoes on my feet
But, put me out, put me out
Put me out of misery
Yeah, all your sickness
I can suck it up
Throw it all at me
I can shrug it off
There’s one thing baby
That I don’t understand
You keep on telling me
I ain’t your kind of man
Ain’t I rough enough, ooh baby
Ain’t I tough enough
Ain’t I rich enough, in love enough
Ooh! ooh! please
I’ll never be your beast of burden
I’ll never be your beast of burden
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be
I don’t need no beast of burden
I need no fussing
I need no nursing
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be
I’ll never be your beast of burden
My back is broad but it’s a hurting
All I want is for you to make love to me
I’ll never be your beast of burden
I’ve walked for miles my feet are hurting
All I want is for you to make love to me
Am I hard enough
Am I rough enough
Am I rich enough
I’m not too blind to see
I’ll never be your beast of burden
So let’s go home and draw the curtains
Music on the radio
Come on baby make sweet love to me
Am I hard enough
Am I rough enough
Am I rich enough
I’m not too blind to see
Oh little sister
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, girl
You’re a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl
Pretty, pretty
Such a pretty, pretty, pretty girl
Come on baby please, please, please
I’ll tell ya
You can put me out
On the street
Put me out
With no shoes on my feet
But, put me out, put me out
Put me out of misery
Yeah, all your sickness
I can suck it up
Throw it all at me
I can shrug it off
There’s one thing baby
That I don’t understand
You keep on telling me
I ain’t your kind of man
Ain’t I rough enough, ooh baby
Ain’t I tough enough
Ain’t I rich enough, in love enough
Ooh! ooh! please
I’ll never be your beast of burden
I’ll never be your beast of burden
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be
I don’t need no beast of burden
I need no fussing
I need no nursing
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be
IF ONLY I COULD GO BACK TO WHEN I WAS MISERABLE
I was watching a movie last night about a group of self-destructive men. These guys lived for adrenaline rush after adrenaline rush. They were doing stupid things just to see if they could. It reminded me of some days long past where excessive alcohol, drugs, bar brawls, and reckless behavior ruled my existence. Those days were not happy days for me. Sure, I was having "fun" but all of the reckless behavior was a result of not giving a damn about what happened to me. I was miserable on the inside but appeared to be having a hell of a time to those around me.
The odd thing to me is that as I watched this movie I wanted to run outside and do something stupid. I wanted to be reckless again. It's something I thought I had completely let go over the past 5 years or so and haven't really missed it too much. All of a sudden I had an urge to jump back in. This surprised me because, looking back, I am thankful to have gotten through that period in my life alive. I knew I was cheating death from time to time so why would I want to recreate a scenario like that? Especially when my memory of how miserable I was is still so vivid?
I'm restless right now. I'm not exactly sure what for but I can feel that I need to mix things up a bit. Of course I'm banking on being mature enough not to do anything "stupid." I've felt this restlessness for several months now which, looking back, may explain some things... In any case, I'm hoping that my travels will cure this. Well, this restlessness of mine may never be "cured" but my hope is that something like traveling will help settle it down for a bit.
Have you ever felt a strong desire for change but didn't know WHAT you should look to change?
The odd thing to me is that as I watched this movie I wanted to run outside and do something stupid. I wanted to be reckless again. It's something I thought I had completely let go over the past 5 years or so and haven't really missed it too much. All of a sudden I had an urge to jump back in. This surprised me because, looking back, I am thankful to have gotten through that period in my life alive. I knew I was cheating death from time to time so why would I want to recreate a scenario like that? Especially when my memory of how miserable I was is still so vivid?
I'm restless right now. I'm not exactly sure what for but I can feel that I need to mix things up a bit. Of course I'm banking on being mature enough not to do anything "stupid." I've felt this restlessness for several months now which, looking back, may explain some things... In any case, I'm hoping that my travels will cure this. Well, this restlessness of mine may never be "cured" but my hope is that something like traveling will help settle it down for a bit.
Have you ever felt a strong desire for change but didn't know WHAT you should look to change?
Sunday, January 28, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
This is a cool photograph entitled, "It's Killing Me" by Anoushka Fisz
I really like the background of this photo as told on the Eyestorm gallery website: The stylized quality of the 'It's Killing Me' series is not down to complex digital manipulation, but traditional darkroom retouching techniques - although many of these processes are now performed on computer. Anoushka Fisz even relies on natural daylight for her pictures, and never uses artificial light in any of her shoots. The resulting photographs in this series are deeply enigmatic, and her first true self-portraits. When asked to describe why the series was called 'It's Killing Me', she explained: 'There's always something'.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time."
-Sir Winston Churchill
-Sir Winston Churchill
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"Everything's Not Lost" by Cold Play
When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away
So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down
'Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
Singing out
Oh, oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Everything's not lost (6x)
Come on, yeah
Oh, oh yeah
Sing out, yeah
And everything's not lost
Now I never meant to do you wrong
that’s what I came here to say
but if I was wrong then im sorry
but don’t let it stand in our way
cause my head just aches when I think of
the things I shouldn’t have done
but life is for living we all know
and I don’t want to live it alone
sing ah, ah, ah
sing ah, ah, ah
and you sing ah, ah, ah
When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away
So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down
'Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost
Singing out
Oh, oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Everything's not lost (6x)
Come on, yeah
Oh, oh yeah
Sing out, yeah
And everything's not lost
Now I never meant to do you wrong
that’s what I came here to say
but if I was wrong then im sorry
but don’t let it stand in our way
cause my head just aches when I think of
the things I shouldn’t have done
but life is for living we all know
and I don’t want to live it alone
sing ah, ah, ah
sing ah, ah, ah
and you sing ah, ah, ah
NOW THAT I HAVE GONE BLIND THE WORLD LOOKS BRIGHTER
There is a girl that I have been friends with since I was a one year old child. Our families are really close and refer to each other as Uncle..., Aunt... and Cousin..., even though we aren't blood related.
I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for this girl and can't imagine not having her in my life. I truly believe she is someone who makes the world a better place. When I get depressed about a perceived poor direction that the world is headed, I think of her and it renews my faith in people and society.
This 30 year old friend has had an unbelievably difficult life. When she was 23 she was dating (and close to engagement) a mutual friend. They were a great couple and since I was good friends with each of them, I was extremely happy. Their relationship to me was proof that true love could exist. Later that year the man was killed in a work accident. My heart broke for this friend of mine (and for the friend I lost) - which is nothing compared to what she must have felt. I remember hugging her and crying and her whispering in my ear "it will be alright." She told ME it would be alright. I felt ashamed at that moment - she shouldn't be comforting me! I could see her pain but she comforted others instead. It took many years of therapy and the lengthening gap of time for her to begin moving forward in life again. But she did. 7 years later, she was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. A cancer that makes up less than 2% of all female diagnosed cancers. The cancer was in stage 4. This past year she has gone through surgery and extensive chemo. She is forever changed physically and, again, mentally. Through it all she continues to smile. She has become less religious but more spiritual. When death is close I imagine even the hardest atheist contemplates a spiritual existence. Her appreciation for life is probably the appreciation everyone should have on a daily basis. She is the strongest person I have ever met.
Her life could quite possibly be the most influential gift in my life. When I get depressed I often think of her and a handful of other friends that have gone through situations in life I can only sympathize with. I certainly can't relate. It's inspirational to know how resilient people can be. And we all have it in us.
I often volunteer for the same reason - It is always a humbling experience to see the strength in others in situations you aren't really sure how you would react to. It's important for me to continue to remind myself how fortunate I really am, how strong we can all be, and how beautiful life is - even in times of struggle. Actually I shouldn't say "even in times of struggle" I should say "especially in times of struggle." My appreciation and recognition of the beauty of life is never greater than when I encounter those struggling most with life. Hope and faith are beautiful things.
I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for this girl and can't imagine not having her in my life. I truly believe she is someone who makes the world a better place. When I get depressed about a perceived poor direction that the world is headed, I think of her and it renews my faith in people and society.
This 30 year old friend has had an unbelievably difficult life. When she was 23 she was dating (and close to engagement) a mutual friend. They were a great couple and since I was good friends with each of them, I was extremely happy. Their relationship to me was proof that true love could exist. Later that year the man was killed in a work accident. My heart broke for this friend of mine (and for the friend I lost) - which is nothing compared to what she must have felt. I remember hugging her and crying and her whispering in my ear "it will be alright." She told ME it would be alright. I felt ashamed at that moment - she shouldn't be comforting me! I could see her pain but she comforted others instead. It took many years of therapy and the lengthening gap of time for her to begin moving forward in life again. But she did. 7 years later, she was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. A cancer that makes up less than 2% of all female diagnosed cancers. The cancer was in stage 4. This past year she has gone through surgery and extensive chemo. She is forever changed physically and, again, mentally. Through it all she continues to smile. She has become less religious but more spiritual. When death is close I imagine even the hardest atheist contemplates a spiritual existence. Her appreciation for life is probably the appreciation everyone should have on a daily basis. She is the strongest person I have ever met.
Her life could quite possibly be the most influential gift in my life. When I get depressed I often think of her and a handful of other friends that have gone through situations in life I can only sympathize with. I certainly can't relate. It's inspirational to know how resilient people can be. And we all have it in us.
I often volunteer for the same reason - It is always a humbling experience to see the strength in others in situations you aren't really sure how you would react to. It's important for me to continue to remind myself how fortunate I really am, how strong we can all be, and how beautiful life is - even in times of struggle. Actually I shouldn't say "even in times of struggle" I should say "especially in times of struggle." My appreciation and recognition of the beauty of life is never greater than when I encounter those struggling most with life. Hope and faith are beautiful things.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
"The Awakening of Adonis" by John William Waterhouse
Adonis was a god in Greek Mythology. People talk about heaven all the time but seldom do people talk about heaven in visual terms. I love visual reproductions of a person's perception of heaven.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."
-Andy Warhol
-Andy Warhol
LYRIC OF THE DAY
My first request! Thank you Anne, these are fantastic lyrics. If you don't mind, would you comment on what the lyrics mean to you?
For the rest of us, enjoy...
This is "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson
Well can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside...
But Baby, You hardly even notice
when I try to show you
this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
make you banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now
And we can pretend it all the time, yeah
Can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside
But just maybe,
halaka ukulele
mama made a baby
Really dont mind the practice
cause you're my little lady
lady lady love me
cause I love to lay here lazy
we could close the curtains
pretend like there's no world outside
And we can pretend it all the time
and Cant you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside
ain't no need ain't no need Mmmm MMmmm
Can't you see, can't you see
rain all day
and I dont mind.
But the telephone singing
ringing it's too early
don't pick it up
we don't need to we got everything
we need right here
and everything we need is enough
just so easy
when the whole world fits inside of your arms
do we really need to pay attention to the alarm?
wake up slow, mmm mmm wake up slow
But baby You hardly even notice
when I try to show you
this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
make you banana pancakes
pretend like its the weekend now
And we can pretend it all the time
Cant you see that its just raining
aint no need to go outside
aint no need aint no need
rain all day
and i really really really don't mind
Can't you see, can't you see,
you gotta wake up slow
For the rest of us, enjoy...
This is "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson
Well can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside...
But Baby, You hardly even notice
when I try to show you
this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
make you banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now
And we can pretend it all the time, yeah
Can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside
But just maybe,
halaka ukulele
mama made a baby
Really dont mind the practice
cause you're my little lady
lady lady love me
cause I love to lay here lazy
we could close the curtains
pretend like there's no world outside
And we can pretend it all the time
and Cant you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside
ain't no need ain't no need Mmmm MMmmm
Can't you see, can't you see
rain all day
and I dont mind.
But the telephone singing
ringing it's too early
don't pick it up
we don't need to we got everything
we need right here
and everything we need is enough
just so easy
when the whole world fits inside of your arms
do we really need to pay attention to the alarm?
wake up slow, mmm mmm wake up slow
But baby You hardly even notice
when I try to show you
this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
make you banana pancakes
pretend like its the weekend now
And we can pretend it all the time
Cant you see that its just raining
aint no need to go outside
aint no need aint no need
rain all day
and i really really really don't mind
Can't you see, can't you see,
you gotta wake up slow
Little, Yellow, Different, Better
Earlier this week I posted the lyrics to "Cure for Pain" by Morphine. What if there was a cure for pain? What if there was a pill you could swallow to stop the pain any time someone had their heart broken or had to deal with the loss of a loved one ?
I'm sure the next time I'm hurting I would wish there was such a pill. But I don't think it would help me grow or experience the mysterious learning opportunity life hides in the shadows from us.
It is in the moments of most intense pain that I have the most productive introspection. When I am happy or content I seldom feel a need to analyze a situation or experience. It is typically when I am upset, angry, disappointed or depressed that I really delve into that which is bringing on the aforementioned emotions. And by doing so I typically learn a valuable lesson. Having said that, I have had my heart broken a dozen times and I fully expect to have it broken a dozen more. And that never gets easier just because it has happened to me before. But, as I spoke earlier about the illogical aspect of emotions, analyzing any previous experience usually helps lend some logic to the situation that is bringing on the heartache. And so although it doesn't lesson the pain, it helps to lesson the helplessness involved.
No, I don't think I want a cure for pain. I think I'll take my chances.
Side note - I just knocked on wood after writing that last sentence.
I'm sure the next time I'm hurting I would wish there was such a pill. But I don't think it would help me grow or experience the mysterious learning opportunity life hides in the shadows from us.
It is in the moments of most intense pain that I have the most productive introspection. When I am happy or content I seldom feel a need to analyze a situation or experience. It is typically when I am upset, angry, disappointed or depressed that I really delve into that which is bringing on the aforementioned emotions. And by doing so I typically learn a valuable lesson. Having said that, I have had my heart broken a dozen times and I fully expect to have it broken a dozen more. And that never gets easier just because it has happened to me before. But, as I spoke earlier about the illogical aspect of emotions, analyzing any previous experience usually helps lend some logic to the situation that is bringing on the heartache. And so although it doesn't lesson the pain, it helps to lesson the helplessness involved.
No, I don't think I want a cure for pain. I think I'll take my chances.
Side note - I just knocked on wood after writing that last sentence.
Friday, January 26, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
"Man in a Green Coat" by Chaim Soutine
For some reason this reminds me of early morning subway riders.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."
-H. G. Wells
-H. G. Wells
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"Cure for Pain" by Morphine
Where is the ritual
And tell me where where is the taste
Where is the sacrifice
And tell me where where is the faith
Someday there'll be a cure for pain
That's the day I throw my drugs away
When they find a cure for pain
Where is the cave
Where the wise woman went
And tell me where
Where's all that money that I spent
I propose a toast to my self control
You see it crawling helpless on the floor
Someday there'll be a cure for pain
That's the day I throw my drugs away
When they find a cure for pain (x2)
When they find a cure find a cure for pain
Where is the ritual
And tell me where where is the taste
Where is the sacrifice
And tell me where where is the faith
Someday there'll be a cure for pain
That's the day I throw my drugs away
When they find a cure for pain
Where is the cave
Where the wise woman went
And tell me where
Where's all that money that I spent
I propose a toast to my self control
You see it crawling helpless on the floor
Someday there'll be a cure for pain
That's the day I throw my drugs away
When they find a cure for pain (x2)
When they find a cure find a cure for pain
SO A POLAR BEAR IS ON THE SUBWAY...
It's super cold in NYC today. I busted out my winter coat for the first time this year and bundled up with my hat and gloves. I got on the subway, headed to work for my last day of employment - at least at this particular job...I hope.
There was this guy on the subway wearing a jeans and a long-sleeve t-shirt. I noticed he had a pair of gloves stuffed in the back pocket of his jeans as he read the paper and sipped his Starbucks coffee. The guy appeared to be in his late 30's.
Here is why I'm bringing this up: WHY in the world would you not wear a coat when it's 10 degrees out?! I'm sure he thought it looked cool but, to me, it looked stupid. Is looking good worth giving up your health?
I had a strong desire to slap this guy upside his head. I'm not sure why this bothered me so much. I'm fascinated by what sort of justification this guy would have. The entire ride to work I tried coming up with an explanation for it - maybe he left the house with a coat but saw a homeless man shivering so he gave it to him. Maybe he spilled Teriyaki sauce on his coat and it smelled too bad to wear so his coat was at the cleaners? Maybe the guy was an alien and didn't need a coat. Maybe the guy was going to an indoor beach party at some bar after work so he didn't want to lug his coat around with him.
Or maybe I was just jealous because he DID look cooler than I did in my bulky jacket, fuzzy hat and thick wool gloves... I looked like Ralphy from "A Christmas Story." Not cool. But warm!
There was this guy on the subway wearing a jeans and a long-sleeve t-shirt. I noticed he had a pair of gloves stuffed in the back pocket of his jeans as he read the paper and sipped his Starbucks coffee. The guy appeared to be in his late 30's.
Here is why I'm bringing this up: WHY in the world would you not wear a coat when it's 10 degrees out?! I'm sure he thought it looked cool but, to me, it looked stupid. Is looking good worth giving up your health?
I had a strong desire to slap this guy upside his head. I'm not sure why this bothered me so much. I'm fascinated by what sort of justification this guy would have. The entire ride to work I tried coming up with an explanation for it - maybe he left the house with a coat but saw a homeless man shivering so he gave it to him. Maybe he spilled Teriyaki sauce on his coat and it smelled too bad to wear so his coat was at the cleaners? Maybe the guy was an alien and didn't need a coat. Maybe the guy was going to an indoor beach party at some bar after work so he didn't want to lug his coat around with him.
Or maybe I was just jealous because he DID look cooler than I did in my bulky jacket, fuzzy hat and thick wool gloves... I looked like Ralphy from "A Christmas Story." Not cool. But warm!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
Found this one while perusing the Internet for art. In my mind he is applauding another jester that has finished a set in which he was wildly successful. This jester's eyes look sad and doubtful.
"Jester" by Alexander Lyamkin
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends."
-Japanese Proverb
Oh man, I'm fucked.
-Japanese Proverb
Oh man, I'm fucked.
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"All in your mind" by Beck
Well its all in you mind
Its all in you mind
Well its all in your mind
And I wanted to be
I wanted to be
Wanted to be your good friend
Well I cannot believe
You got a devil up your sleeve
And hes talking to me
And I cannot believe
And I wanted to be
I wanted to be your good friend
Youre all scared and stiff
A sick stolen gift
And the people you're with
Theyre all scared and stiff
And I wanted to be
Wanted to be your good friend
Well its all in you mind
Its all in you mind
Well its all in your mind
And I wanted to be
I wanted to be
Wanted to be your good friend
Well I cannot believe
You got a devil up your sleeve
And hes talking to me
And I cannot believe
And I wanted to be
I wanted to be your good friend
Youre all scared and stiff
A sick stolen gift
And the people you're with
Theyre all scared and stiff
And I wanted to be
Wanted to be your good friend
WHICH ONE IS TOUGHER? CLIMBING MOUNT EVEREST OR BLOGGING?
This blog is the most difficult thing I have done in a long time. I know that sounds strange but this is a form of therapy for me. Sure what I write here is somewhat censored - it isn't what you would find in my journal for example. But to me this is an intimate process. It faces one of my greatest fears - appearing vulnerable. That is probably why I have only told three friends about this blog!
Each day when I log in I go back and read the last few previous posts. And I say to myself, "What a pathetic person I am?!" I feel foolish for writing some of the posts where I have injected emotion into my thoughts. And sometimes I can't believe that I actually felt that sad or dejected or whatever. It's embarrassing to me. I have such high highs and low lows that when I do write down my emotions it seems rather extreme.
It may go back to how I was raised. I was raised in a family where the men are silently strong and void of emotion. My grandfather blamed societies problems on men allowing emotion to affect them "like a woman." Of course he also blames societies problems on women entering the workforce after the war but that's for another post. Even to this day my parents only say "I love you" at the end of a holiday visit. When we hang up the phone after a random weekend update we say, "take care." It's not because they don't love me (they don't need to SAY it they SHOW it constantly) but it's because they are uncomfortable with it. So am I.
When I started this blog I only wanted people who DIDN'T know me to read it. That seemed safe. Maybe one day I'll be comfortable enough to send out a mass e-mail to everyone I know.
There is the possibility that letting everyone in on your emotions isn't a positive thing. Emotions are seldom logical which sometimes leads to negative actions like saying hurtful or manipulative things. Things that, once you calm down, you realize didn't truly represent your thoughts or feelings. I suppose, as with anything, a balance is necessary.
Each day when I log in I go back and read the last few previous posts. And I say to myself, "What a pathetic person I am?!" I feel foolish for writing some of the posts where I have injected emotion into my thoughts. And sometimes I can't believe that I actually felt that sad or dejected or whatever. It's embarrassing to me. I have such high highs and low lows that when I do write down my emotions it seems rather extreme.
It may go back to how I was raised. I was raised in a family where the men are silently strong and void of emotion. My grandfather blamed societies problems on men allowing emotion to affect them "like a woman." Of course he also blames societies problems on women entering the workforce after the war but that's for another post. Even to this day my parents only say "I love you" at the end of a holiday visit. When we hang up the phone after a random weekend update we say, "take care." It's not because they don't love me (they don't need to SAY it they SHOW it constantly) but it's because they are uncomfortable with it. So am I.
When I started this blog I only wanted people who DIDN'T know me to read it. That seemed safe. Maybe one day I'll be comfortable enough to send out a mass e-mail to everyone I know.
There is the possibility that letting everyone in on your emotions isn't a positive thing. Emotions are seldom logical which sometimes leads to negative actions like saying hurtful or manipulative things. Things that, once you calm down, you realize didn't truly represent your thoughts or feelings. I suppose, as with anything, a balance is necessary.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
QUOTE OF THE DAY
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
-Herm Albright
-Herm Albright
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"I won't Back Down" by Tom Petty
Well I wont back down, no I wont back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I wont back down
Gonna stand my ground, wont be turned around
And Ill keep this world from draggin me down
Gonna stand my ground and I wont back down
Hey baby, there aint no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I wont back down.
Well I know whats right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin me around
But Ill stand my ground and I wont back down
Hey baby there aint no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I wont back down
No, I wont back down
Well I wont back down, no I wont back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I wont back down
Gonna stand my ground, wont be turned around
And Ill keep this world from draggin me down
Gonna stand my ground and I wont back down
Hey baby, there aint no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I wont back down.
Well I know whats right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin me around
But Ill stand my ground and I wont back down
Hey baby there aint no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I wont back down
No, I wont back down
THANK GOD MY PENIS FELL OFF
I bitch way too much. I have a great family, good friends, I'm finally out of debt, and I am happy with my resume. I look over this blog and I see a whole lotta bitchin'.
The reason I'm bringing this up is because I think a part of me has always looked for an excuse for NOT succeeding. Or maybe I was always looking for a justification for how I was feeling. Not sure. Here is a petty example but an example none-the-less: My hairline started receding when I was about 23 years old. Friends told me I should try using Rogain. I scoffed at them. I told them I should be happy with who I am regardless of how I look. And that if other people were going to judge me on my lack of hair than fuck them. And deep down I do believe that. But truthfully, after the initial shock of it all, I was a little bit happy to be losing my hair.
Why would I be happy to be losing my hair? It's a good questions. I think, especially at that time in my life, I was insecure with so many things about myself and particularly with why a woman would like me over someone else, I thought somehow losing my hair could act as the excuse for my other insecurities.
Like I said, it's a petty example. I find it interesting though. And I think sometimes I might still fall into that trap (on a much less consistent basis though) where I'm somewhat happy to have something bad happen because it gives me an excuse not to face my other insecurities.
Do we need to face our insecurities? Are we supposed to try to "fix" them or simply accept them?
The reason I'm bringing this up is because I think a part of me has always looked for an excuse for NOT succeeding. Or maybe I was always looking for a justification for how I was feeling. Not sure. Here is a petty example but an example none-the-less: My hairline started receding when I was about 23 years old. Friends told me I should try using Rogain. I scoffed at them. I told them I should be happy with who I am regardless of how I look. And that if other people were going to judge me on my lack of hair than fuck them. And deep down I do believe that. But truthfully, after the initial shock of it all, I was a little bit happy to be losing my hair.
Why would I be happy to be losing my hair? It's a good questions. I think, especially at that time in my life, I was insecure with so many things about myself and particularly with why a woman would like me over someone else, I thought somehow losing my hair could act as the excuse for my other insecurities.
Like I said, it's a petty example. I find it interesting though. And I think sometimes I might still fall into that trap (on a much less consistent basis though) where I'm somewhat happy to have something bad happen because it gives me an excuse not to face my other insecurities.
Do we need to face our insecurities? Are we supposed to try to "fix" them or simply accept them?
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
This is entitled, "Self Portrait" by Francis Bacon. When I first saw this the first thing I thought of was how the artist had a distorted view of himself. What was your first thought?
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"Spitting Games" by Snow Patrol
I broke into your house last night
And left a note at your bedside
I'm far too shy to speak to you at school
You leave me numb and I'm not sure why
I find it easier to sit and stare
Than push my limbs out towards you right there
My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes
As blue as oceans and as pure as skies
I struggle for the words and then give up
My heads up with the birds on the t-hut
A little piece of mind that I know better
Than the plain disgrace of all my letters
But after that the floodgates opened up
And I fell in love with everyone I saw
Please take your time I'm not in any rush
And it's in everything I ever write
It's not as if I need the extra weight
Confused enough by life so thanks a lot
Lonely written words for company
Just raise the roof this once and follow me
I broke into your house last night
And left a note at your bedside
I'm far too shy to speak to you at school
You leave me numb and I'm not sure why
I find it easier to sit and stare
Than push my limbs out towards you right there
My heart is bursting in your perfect eyes
As blue as oceans and as pure as skies
I struggle for the words and then give up
My heads up with the birds on the t-hut
A little piece of mind that I know better
Than the plain disgrace of all my letters
But after that the floodgates opened up
And I fell in love with everyone I saw
Please take your time I'm not in any rush
And it's in everything I ever write
It's not as if I need the extra weight
Confused enough by life so thanks a lot
Lonely written words for company
Just raise the roof this once and follow me
I USED TO BE AN ELBOW MODEL
I went to dinner yesterday with someone I worked on a side project with. She has a rather high opinion of herself. She says things like, "She hated me because I'm a cute blond" and "I was smarter than all of them so...". I sat at the table hearing her compliment herself over and over and over and I began to daydream about the large light fixture above her head falling and ending this madness.
Then I heard her say, "I think if we met outside of working on this project, we would have become good friends anyway." What? Did I hear that right? I don't even like you!
It just made me wonder. How many times did I meet someone and really like them and they didn't like me? How many people envisioned a light fixture falling on MY head? Am I being phony for chuckling at her stupid jokes and nodding in agreement with statements I totally disagree with? What is the line between being phony and being respectful or courteous?
Then I heard her say, "I think if we met outside of working on this project, we would have become good friends anyway." What? Did I hear that right? I don't even like you!
It just made me wonder. How many times did I meet someone and really like them and they didn't like me? How many people envisioned a light fixture falling on MY head? Am I being phony for chuckling at her stupid jokes and nodding in agreement with statements I totally disagree with? What is the line between being phony and being respectful or courteous?
Monday, January 22, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
"The opening of the Fifth Seal of the Apocalypse" by Domenikos Theotocopoulos
How cool is it that the guy opening the "Fifth Seal" looks like a normal dude?
QUOTE OF THE DAY
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"Black Water" by the Doobie Brothers
Well, I built me a raft and shes ready for floatin
Ol mississippi, shes callin my name
Catfish are jumpin
That paddle wheel thumpin
Black water keeps rollin on past just the same
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Yeah, keep on shinin your light
Gonna make everything, pretty mama
Gonna make everything all right
And I aint got no worries
cause I aint in no hurry at all
Well, if it rains, I dont care
Dont make no difference to me
Just take that street car thats goin up town
Yeah, Id like to hear some funky dixieland
And dance a honky tonk
And Ill be buyin evrybody drinks all roun
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Yeah, keep on shinin your light
Gonna make everything, pretty mama
Gonna make everything all right
And I aint got no worries
cause I aint in no hurry at all
Id like to hear some funky dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
By the hand, take me by the hand pretty mama
Come and dance with your daddy all night long
I want to honky tonk, honky tonk, honky tonk
With you all night long
Well, I built me a raft and shes ready for floatin
Ol mississippi, shes callin my name
Catfish are jumpin
That paddle wheel thumpin
Black water keeps rollin on past just the same
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Yeah, keep on shinin your light
Gonna make everything, pretty mama
Gonna make everything all right
And I aint got no worries
cause I aint in no hurry at all
Well, if it rains, I dont care
Dont make no difference to me
Just take that street car thats goin up town
Yeah, Id like to hear some funky dixieland
And dance a honky tonk
And Ill be buyin evrybody drinks all roun
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Old black water, keep on rollin
Mississippi moon, wont you keep on shinin on me
Yeah, keep on shinin your light
Gonna make everything, pretty mama
Gonna make everything all right
And I aint got no worries
cause I aint in no hurry at all
Id like to hear some funky dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
By the hand, take me by the hand pretty mama
Come and dance with your daddy all night long
I want to honky tonk, honky tonk, honky tonk
With you all night long
FINALLY! I HAVE TIME TO ROLL MY CHANGE!
I ran home from the bar tonight so that I wouldn't miss the first day of posting since I started this blog. I have one hour before the clock strikes midnight. If things are a little incoherent I'm blaming it on the Guinness.
I resigned from work today. My last day will be this Friday. I have mixed emotions right now. This will be the first time since the age of 15 that I have been unemployed. And the first time since I was 19 that I didn't hold a full-time position. But I am really excited to have some time off to refresh and reevaluate my career path. I plan on taking a couple of months for me. Something I have never done. I want to write more, shoot a short film, travel to Europe and enter a sumo wrestling contest. Ok, I'm joking about the short film thing (wasn't that funny?! You totally thought I was kidding about the sumo contest!...which I was...it's never very funny when I explain my jokes...I'm moving on now...).
Occasionally my close friends will hear me complain about not having a family or being in a serious relationship. But the truth is, the lack of those commitments open up a lot of opportunities for me to see the world and experience cultures and life in a way many never have.
I waver on the phrase, "everything happens for a reason" for the fact that it seems like a justification for something that you can't control. Even as I tell myself that, I take a look back on my life and I really do feel like I can see a path that seems more fateful than coincidental.
I don't know if there is a plan for each of us but I don't think there is any harm in finding comfort in that thought. In fact, I think it may be a nice idea to live with as you encounter difficulties. More importantly, however, I think it would be nice to enter every new path in life with wide eyed enthusiasm about where it will lead you. To do this honestly I think focused life intentions are necessary (I'll save that for another post).
I'm getting tired now.
Here are my questions of the day: If you could take three months off to travel anywhere, where would you go? If you had unlimited funds, what is the first thing you would buy? If you never had to work another day in your life, what would you pursue?
I resigned from work today. My last day will be this Friday. I have mixed emotions right now. This will be the first time since the age of 15 that I have been unemployed. And the first time since I was 19 that I didn't hold a full-time position. But I am really excited to have some time off to refresh and reevaluate my career path. I plan on taking a couple of months for me. Something I have never done. I want to write more, shoot a short film, travel to Europe and enter a sumo wrestling contest. Ok, I'm joking about the short film thing (wasn't that funny?! You totally thought I was kidding about the sumo contest!...which I was...it's never very funny when I explain my jokes...I'm moving on now...).
Occasionally my close friends will hear me complain about not having a family or being in a serious relationship. But the truth is, the lack of those commitments open up a lot of opportunities for me to see the world and experience cultures and life in a way many never have.
I waver on the phrase, "everything happens for a reason" for the fact that it seems like a justification for something that you can't control. Even as I tell myself that, I take a look back on my life and I really do feel like I can see a path that seems more fateful than coincidental.
I don't know if there is a plan for each of us but I don't think there is any harm in finding comfort in that thought. In fact, I think it may be a nice idea to live with as you encounter difficulties. More importantly, however, I think it would be nice to enter every new path in life with wide eyed enthusiasm about where it will lead you. To do this honestly I think focused life intentions are necessary (I'll save that for another post).
I'm getting tired now.
Here are my questions of the day: If you could take three months off to travel anywhere, where would you go? If you had unlimited funds, what is the first thing you would buy? If you never had to work another day in your life, what would you pursue?
Sunday, January 21, 2007
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."
-Mahatma Gandhi
-Mahatma Gandhi
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GRANDMA MADE ME DO IT!
I was flipping through the television channels last night and came across America's Most Wanted. They went through about 6 unsolved cases involving murder, rape, theft, assault and/or kidnapping. I thought about the ripple effect these crimes will have on everyone involved. I thought about how these things will probably even effect a large number of people NOT associated with the crimes in an indirect way.
I'm a big fan of the band Our Lady Peace. They have a song entitled, "Innocent" which includes the line, "We are all innocent" within the chorus. I thought about the generations and generations that came before us and all the screwed up things that have happened that rippled through the centuries. I'm a believer in social conditioning which means that in a sense, maybe we are all truly innocent in a way. From birth we are born into a world stained black from the bad choices of our ancestors. This is a rather pessimistic statement but...at some moment in time aren't we bound to hit a point where we can't save ourselves? We won't be able to make a difference because too much pain, torment and confusion will inhabit each new life brought into the world?
Of course if poor choices can create a ripple effect, so can good choices. Good choices don't get the airtime poor choices do, so I would like to believe there is as much good going on around the world as bad and maybe we just don't hear about it. I feel naive writing that.
Now having written this I want to state that although I believe we all have baggage to deal with (some more than others) the point is that we ALL have something to overcome. And I feel bad for those thrown into lives that give them less of a chance than the next person. But as I watched America's Most Wanted I could sympathize but not reconcile. I think we all need to be held accountable for our actions. Which in turn may create a ripple effect in both directions.
I hope that at the end of my life I have created more positive ripples than negative.
I'm a big fan of the band Our Lady Peace. They have a song entitled, "Innocent" which includes the line, "We are all innocent" within the chorus. I thought about the generations and generations that came before us and all the screwed up things that have happened that rippled through the centuries. I'm a believer in social conditioning which means that in a sense, maybe we are all truly innocent in a way. From birth we are born into a world stained black from the bad choices of our ancestors. This is a rather pessimistic statement but...at some moment in time aren't we bound to hit a point where we can't save ourselves? We won't be able to make a difference because too much pain, torment and confusion will inhabit each new life brought into the world?
Of course if poor choices can create a ripple effect, so can good choices. Good choices don't get the airtime poor choices do, so I would like to believe there is as much good going on around the world as bad and maybe we just don't hear about it. I feel naive writing that.
Now having written this I want to state that although I believe we all have baggage to deal with (some more than others) the point is that we ALL have something to overcome. And I feel bad for those thrown into lives that give them less of a chance than the next person. But as I watched America's Most Wanted I could sympathize but not reconcile. I think we all need to be held accountable for our actions. Which in turn may create a ripple effect in both directions.
I hope that at the end of my life I have created more positive ripples than negative.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
Frida Kahlo, "Broken Column." Frida had one twisted mind. I love it. Plus the boobs are nice...
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something."
-Henry David Thoreau
-Henry David Thoreau
LYRIC OF THE DAY
This is for my friend going through her transformation. I hope the next time she is struggling with something this song comes on the radio and eases her pain and/or reinforces her faith in the future. I've used this song on many occasions.
THE FIVE STAIRSTEPS - "Ooh Child"
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get brighter
Some day, yeah
We'll get it together and we'll get it all done
Some day
When your head is much lighter
Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day
When the world is much brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna be easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get be brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna be easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get be brighter
Some day, yeah
We'll get it together and we'll get it all done
Some day
When your head is much lighter
Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day
When the world is much brighter
Some day, yeah
We'll get it together and we'll get it all done
Some day
When your head is much lighter
Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day
When the world is much brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get brighter
Right now, right now
THE FIVE STAIRSTEPS - "Ooh Child"
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get brighter
Some day, yeah
We'll get it together and we'll get it all done
Some day
When your head is much lighter
Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day
When the world is much brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna be easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get be brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna be easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get be brighter
Some day, yeah
We'll get it together and we'll get it all done
Some day
When your head is much lighter
Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day
When the world is much brighter
Some day, yeah
We'll get it together and we'll get it all done
Some day
When your head is much lighter
Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day
When the world is much brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get brighter
Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh-oo child
Things'll get brighter
Right now, right now
I SHED MY COCOON. TURNS OUT I'M A COCONUT LIVING AT THE BOTTOM OF AN APPLE TREE
I few years ago I went through a critical transformation. I can't really remember the exact point where it had ended. What I do remember is that I woke up one day and realized I had accepted who I was. I may not have been COMPLETELY comfortable with it, but I accepted it. And I was certainly MORE comfortable with it than I had been previously. It was a tough road but one that, once complete, was well worth it and made life much more enjoyable.
For a short period of time I thought it was the ONLY major transformation I would go through in life. The big one. Finding myself. But I realize now that there are more to come. We are a constant evolution. Which is scary. Which is why I think people fight it - as I did. Eventually people either win and move on, stay where they are and lose, or sadly, take a step back and give themselves one hell of an uphill battle to fight. I wanted to stay where I was even though I was pretty miserable. I was comfortable there. Eventually I gave in and "shed my cocoon." It was like reintroducing myself to my family, friends and life. It was as uncomfortable a time as I can remember. Some people accept the "new you," some people don't. That's unfortunate.
But "finding myself" isn't really all that accurate. I believe I'm still finding myself each day. The transformation I'm speaking of was the first hurdle - overcoming expectations and social pressure. Completing that first challenge makes the next one much easier...I imagine. I know it makes life much easier. It's confidence you gain. Maybe not in every area you would like but certainly a general confidence in yourself.
I have a good friend that I believe got stuck in this transformation stage and has never taken the risk to peel the skin and reveal what is underneath. He portrays himself as the same person now as he was at 16. The funny thing is that I don't think anyone buys it anymore. It's a farce. It would be better for him to take the risk and be more open than allow people to place their assumptions on him. I'm a pretty guarded person in certain areas and on certain topics so I should take this advice - it's so much easier to say than do.
I have another friend that I think is going through this transformation now. And I am so excited for her because I can see and feel the confidence building in her that was nonexistent previously. It's a strange feeling to be excited for her because it is due to some really difficult obstacles she is encountering in her life that I believe is pushing her through this stage. And I care for her so much that all I want is life to be kind to her. I think it's probably relative to each person but I think her obstacles are more difficult than the ones I encountered. I wonder if that will make her stronger than if they had been less traumatic? But, as I said, if it's relative maybe it doesn't matter. Now that I've written this down I'm rethinking the relative comment...
I love the phrase, "when life throws you a lemon, make lemonade." I wish I could live like that. Maybe after my next transformation...
For a short period of time I thought it was the ONLY major transformation I would go through in life. The big one. Finding myself. But I realize now that there are more to come. We are a constant evolution. Which is scary. Which is why I think people fight it - as I did. Eventually people either win and move on, stay where they are and lose, or sadly, take a step back and give themselves one hell of an uphill battle to fight. I wanted to stay where I was even though I was pretty miserable. I was comfortable there. Eventually I gave in and "shed my cocoon." It was like reintroducing myself to my family, friends and life. It was as uncomfortable a time as I can remember. Some people accept the "new you," some people don't. That's unfortunate.
But "finding myself" isn't really all that accurate. I believe I'm still finding myself each day. The transformation I'm speaking of was the first hurdle - overcoming expectations and social pressure. Completing that first challenge makes the next one much easier...I imagine. I know it makes life much easier. It's confidence you gain. Maybe not in every area you would like but certainly a general confidence in yourself.
I have a good friend that I believe got stuck in this transformation stage and has never taken the risk to peel the skin and reveal what is underneath. He portrays himself as the same person now as he was at 16. The funny thing is that I don't think anyone buys it anymore. It's a farce. It would be better for him to take the risk and be more open than allow people to place their assumptions on him. I'm a pretty guarded person in certain areas and on certain topics so I should take this advice - it's so much easier to say than do.
I have another friend that I think is going through this transformation now. And I am so excited for her because I can see and feel the confidence building in her that was nonexistent previously. It's a strange feeling to be excited for her because it is due to some really difficult obstacles she is encountering in her life that I believe is pushing her through this stage. And I care for her so much that all I want is life to be kind to her. I think it's probably relative to each person but I think her obstacles are more difficult than the ones I encountered. I wonder if that will make her stronger than if they had been less traumatic? But, as I said, if it's relative maybe it doesn't matter. Now that I've written this down I'm rethinking the relative comment...
I love the phrase, "when life throws you a lemon, make lemonade." I wish I could live like that. Maybe after my next transformation...
Friday, January 19, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
I love Diego Rivera's murals. Here is one from my hometown of Detroit - the front wall at the Detroit Institute of Arts. This mural is entitled, "Detroit Industry or Man and Machine."
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"Only in Dreams" by Weezer
You can't resist her
She's in your bones
She is your marrow
And your ride home
You can't avoid her
She's in the air (in the air)
In between molecules
Of oxygen and carbon dioxide
Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams
You walk up to her
Ask her to dance
She says, 'Hey baby
I just might take the chance'
You say, 'It's a good thing
That you float in the air (in the air)
That way there's no way
I will crush your pretty
Toenails into a thousand pieces.'
Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
You can't resist her
She's in your bones
She is your marrow
And your ride home
You can't avoid her
She's in the air (in the air)
In between molecules
Of oxygen and carbon dioxide
Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams
You walk up to her
Ask her to dance
She says, 'Hey baby
I just might take the chance'
You say, 'It's a good thing
That you float in the air (in the air)
That way there's no way
I will crush your pretty
Toenails into a thousand pieces.'
Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
WILL WORK FOR PASSION
I have made up my mind that I will be quitting my job within the next 4 weeks. I have saved up some money so I can take some time off and refresh. I would like to pursue a new industry but I'm not really sure what that industry is. I feel extremely uneasy about being jobless for the first time since the age of 15 but I'm looking forward to it as well.
Ideally, I just want to be passionate about what I do. I want to feel like it matters. Which is turning out to be much easier said than done. When I look at the job boards for non-profit companies where I would feel proud to work, I look at the salary and the "nights and weekend work" and I lose my breath. Somehow it's difficult for me to realize that if I'm working with my passion, "nights and weekends" won't be a chore but rather a desire.
I'm passionate about many things but maybe the problem here is that I can't prioritize my passions. I know what I would consider my number one want in life but I don't know what I would consider my number one passion. And this is a problem I feel our country has as a whole - no one has a real passion to change the injustice we face. We haven't had it since the 60's rebellion(s). Is it because we have life too good? It makes us ambivalent?
How do you find a passion? Does it have to find you?
What is your number one passion?
Ideally, I just want to be passionate about what I do. I want to feel like it matters. Which is turning out to be much easier said than done. When I look at the job boards for non-profit companies where I would feel proud to work, I look at the salary and the "nights and weekend work" and I lose my breath. Somehow it's difficult for me to realize that if I'm working with my passion, "nights and weekends" won't be a chore but rather a desire.
I'm passionate about many things but maybe the problem here is that I can't prioritize my passions. I know what I would consider my number one want in life but I don't know what I would consider my number one passion. And this is a problem I feel our country has as a whole - no one has a real passion to change the injustice we face. We haven't had it since the 60's rebellion(s). Is it because we have life too good? It makes us ambivalent?
How do you find a passion? Does it have to find you?
What is your number one passion?
Thursday, January 18, 2007
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"4am" by Our Lady Peace
I walked around my good intentions
And found that there were none
I blamed my father for the wasted years
We hardly talked
I never thought I would forget this hate
Then a phone call made me realize
Im wrong
If I dont make it known that
Ive loved you all along
Just like the sunny days that
We ignore because
Were all dumb & jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
Whats wrong
I walked around my room
Not thinking
Just sinking in this box
I blame myself for being too much
Like somebody else
I never thought I would just
Bend this way
Then a phone call made me realize
Im wrong
I walked around my good intentions
And found that there were none
I blamed my father for the wasted years
We hardly talked
I never thought I would forget this hate
Then a phone call made me realize
Im wrong
If I dont make it known that
Ive loved you all along
Just like the sunny days that
We ignore because
Were all dumb & jaded
And I hope to God I figure out
Whats wrong
I walked around my room
Not thinking
Just sinking in this box
I blame myself for being too much
Like somebody else
I never thought I would just
Bend this way
Then a phone call made me realize
Im wrong
HOW MANY PINA COLLADAS CAN YOU DRINK IN HEAVEN BEFORE YOU VOMIT?
So I wasn't completely sure what I was going to post today. But as I ran through my first blog comments (Thank you Polly!) I came across an interesting point. Polly commented that her idea of Heaven is boring - vast stretched of beautiful landscape and people wearing angel smiles. "Hell", she said, seems exciting, controversial and well, more interesting. I never really thought about it that way!
I remember people commenting on how perfection is boring because you have nothing to work towards. And that "winning" is bitter-sweet...because it's the end of the task. Is Heaven similar? Can you actually get bored with Heaven? Eternity is a long time - what do people do up there?! I suppose my idea of Heaven is more a concept where whatever you want Heaven to be, it becomes. So in my friend Polly's case maybe she'll turn Heaven into Hell.
I've half-joked before that I think Earth is Hell. Well, what if it's Heaven? Lets say your time comes up and you are lifted up to the gates of Heaven. Peter asks you, "close your eyes and imagine your Heaven. When you walk through the gate, that's what you will have." What if I close my eyes and I imagine being back on Earth? Another chance. So here I am...in Heaven.
If Peter told you the same thing, what would you imagine as you walked through the gate?
Second question - if you can pick one moment in time to freeze for eternity, what would it be?
I remember people commenting on how perfection is boring because you have nothing to work towards. And that "winning" is bitter-sweet...because it's the end of the task. Is Heaven similar? Can you actually get bored with Heaven? Eternity is a long time - what do people do up there?! I suppose my idea of Heaven is more a concept where whatever you want Heaven to be, it becomes. So in my friend Polly's case maybe she'll turn Heaven into Hell.
I've half-joked before that I think Earth is Hell. Well, what if it's Heaven? Lets say your time comes up and you are lifted up to the gates of Heaven. Peter asks you, "close your eyes and imagine your Heaven. When you walk through the gate, that's what you will have." What if I close my eyes and I imagine being back on Earth? Another chance. So here I am...in Heaven.
If Peter told you the same thing, what would you imagine as you walked through the gate?
Second question - if you can pick one moment in time to freeze for eternity, what would it be?
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
QUOTE OF THE DAY
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"The Tourist" by Radiohead
It barks at no one else but me
Like it's seen a ghost
I guess it seen the sparks a-flowing
No one else would know
Hey man slow down, slow down
Idiot, slow down, slow down
Sometimes I get overcharged
That's when you see sparks
You ask me where the hell I'm going
At a thousand feet per second
Hey man slow down, slow down
Idiot slow down, slow down
Hey man slow down, slow down
Idiot slow down, slow down
It barks at no one else but me
Like it's seen a ghost
I guess it seen the sparks a-flowing
No one else would know
Hey man slow down, slow down
Idiot, slow down, slow down
Sometimes I get overcharged
That's when you see sparks
You ask me where the hell I'm going
At a thousand feet per second
Hey man slow down, slow down
Idiot slow down, slow down
Hey man slow down, slow down
Idiot slow down, slow down
LUCKY
Is there such a thing as luck? Is there some abstract quality within each of us that provides us with better percentages in a game of chance? Is it simply a "mind over matter" situation or maybe a product of confidence?
Have you seen the movie Intacto? It's a Spanish film about whether luck exists. It's rather interesting - worth checking out.
I am a pretty lucky person. Always have been. I won a radio contest for a trip for two to NYC. I won an internet contest (one of those contests you would imagine was a scam where no one wins) netting me a 27 inch TV and a Sony Playstation. I almost always win at poker (even though others are more skilled) and forget about playing super bowl squares with me. But why? What is it that determines luck...if anything? I'm not one to much believe in coincidence (lets save that for another post) but is luck a random game?
Then I remember the phrase "lucky in life, unlucky in love" and lucky doesn't seem so lucky anymore! I suppose if the universe is in a true need for balance I'd take the other side. But the grass is always greener, right?...
Have you seen the movie Intacto? It's a Spanish film about whether luck exists. It's rather interesting - worth checking out.
I am a pretty lucky person. Always have been. I won a radio contest for a trip for two to NYC. I won an internet contest (one of those contests you would imagine was a scam where no one wins) netting me a 27 inch TV and a Sony Playstation. I almost always win at poker (even though others are more skilled) and forget about playing super bowl squares with me. But why? What is it that determines luck...if anything? I'm not one to much believe in coincidence (lets save that for another post) but is luck a random game?
Then I remember the phrase "lucky in life, unlucky in love" and lucky doesn't seem so lucky anymore! I suppose if the universe is in a true need for balance I'd take the other side. But the grass is always greener, right?...
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
ART OF THE DAY
This is a painting by Salvidor Dali entitled, "Solitude - Anthropomorphic Echo." Dali seemed to title several paintings "Solitude" which usually shows someone in a pose I would consider "shameful." I just find that interesting for some reason.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them, and they flew..."
-Guillaume Apollinaire
-Guillaume Apollinaire
LYRIC OF THE DAY
"Indifference" by Pearl Jam (Vs)
i will light the match this mornin', so i won't be alone
watch as she lies silent, for soon light will be gone
i will stand arms outstretched, pretend i'm free to roam
i will make my way, through, one more day in hell...
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make...
i will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
i'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
i will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
hey i won't change direction, and i won't change my mind
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make..
how much difference...
i'll swallow poison, until i grow immune
i will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
how much difference
how much difference
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make...
i will light the match this mornin', so i won't be alone
watch as she lies silent, for soon light will be gone
i will stand arms outstretched, pretend i'm free to roam
i will make my way, through, one more day in hell...
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make...
i will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
i'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
i will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
hey i won't change direction, and i won't change my mind
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make..
how much difference...
i'll swallow poison, until i grow immune
i will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
how much difference
how much difference
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make...
GOD SAYS, "I DON'T KNOW. I'LL TALK TO GOD."
Hypothetical: (Assuming there is a God) What if God had a God? What if somehow we found a way to speak to God and came to realize that this higher power had an even HIGHER power? What would that mean, if anything? I suppose it would seriously diminish our ego. And of course, the fact that we had found some way to speak to God would be a pretty big deal.
Here is another question: If we had absolute PROOF that there was a God, would you change your life at all? If so, how and why?
Off the top of my head, I'm not sure what I would change. Also, I suppose an existence of God doesn't necessarily mean an existence of heaven. Maybe that is the better question: If we had scientific proof of heaven, would you change anything in your life?
I should probably think about this question more often...
Here is another question: If we had absolute PROOF that there was a God, would you change your life at all? If so, how and why?
Off the top of my head, I'm not sure what I would change. Also, I suppose an existence of God doesn't necessarily mean an existence of heaven. Maybe that is the better question: If we had scientific proof of heaven, would you change anything in your life?
I should probably think about this question more often...
Monday, January 15, 2007
SELFISH CHARITY
Can giving to charity be selfish? Here is the question I have: Am I volunteering and giving money to charity to help others or is it to help myself? I try to volunteer with charitable groups as often as I can find the time and have recently increased my financial contributions to charity as well. It makes me feel good and I always learn or have some life-lesson reinforced by doing so. And that leads to the question...Is it possible that I am volunteering for the feeling it gives me rather than the ideal of helping society? Is it selfish? Maybe the intention doesn't matter in this case.
I had an idea for a short screenplay where the main character was a woman that was devoting her life to charity. Then one day some miserable bastard who felt she was "trying to show everyone up" told her that she wasn't doing it with pure intentions. He told her she was doing it for her. The woman goes home and obsesses over the possible truth of this statement and ends up on a downward spiral culminating in her death.
Yes, it's depressing, but I think it brings up an interesting conversation - do intentions ever matter?
I know no one is reading my blog yet (and I'm too scared to let my friends see some of my more intimate thoughts - see post 1) but I would love to hear what others think about this. So don't be shy - post a comment!
I had an idea for a short screenplay where the main character was a woman that was devoting her life to charity. Then one day some miserable bastard who felt she was "trying to show everyone up" told her that she wasn't doing it with pure intentions. He told her she was doing it for her. The woman goes home and obsesses over the possible truth of this statement and ends up on a downward spiral culminating in her death.
Yes, it's depressing, but I think it brings up an interesting conversation - do intentions ever matter?
I know no one is reading my blog yet (and I'm too scared to let my friends see some of my more intimate thoughts - see post 1) but I would love to hear what others think about this. So don't be shy - post a comment!
ART OF THE DAY
The Lovers by Rene Magritte
This may be my favorite painting of all time. I'm sure there are some serious psychological implications involved. But hey, get off my back - I just like it!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
-Friedrich Nietzsche
LYRIC OF THE DAY
Each day I am going to post the lyrics to a particular song that may be of relevance today. Playing off of blog post number 1, today's song is "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd. The last two lines are the most impactful to me today. I had a dream, which I ruined for reasons my consciousness will not allow me to understand.
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone at home?
Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.
O.K.
Just a little pinprick.
There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good.
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone at home?
Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.
O.K.
Just a little pinprick.
There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good.
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
I AM AN EMOTIONAL CUTTER
This is going to be a rather depressing (and long) first post to my blog, but it's part of the reason I decided to start this blog in the first place. Recently I did something that I knew would "tear me down." It was continuing a pattern in my life that I had hoped, with age, had disappeared. I coined a term for this problem: I am an "emotional cutter". You know how people cut themselves to feel pain instead of the "numbness?" Well, I think I do that too but only emotionally. I always have. I think I subconsciously "cut" myself to feel that pain in the pit of my stomach. That feeling of self pity. That feeling of helplessness. The dread. For whatever reason I have always embraced that. In this recent case I may have cost myself something very special with someone very special. Only time will tell. As I walked home from this particular debacle I felt deeply saddened, embarrassed, pitiful...and relieved.
When I was in college and really going through some tough times with drugs, alcohol and, most importantly, self esteem, I remember my brother telling me on the phone that he heard a song that reminded him of me. The song was "Everything to Everyone" by Everclear. The lyrics are:
you put yourself in stupid places
yes i think you know it's true
situations where it's easy to look down on you
i think you like to be the victim
i think you like to be in pain
i think you make yourself a victim
almost every single day
you do what you do
you say what you say
you try to be everything to everyone
you know all the right people
you play all the right games
you always try to be
everything to everyone
yeah you do it again
you always do it again
you say they taught you how to read and write
they taught you how to count
i say they taught you how to buy and sell
your own body by the pound
i think you like to be their simple toy
i think you love to play the clown
i think you blind to the fact
that the hand you hold
is the hand that holds you down
chorus
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall
yeah why don't you ever learn
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall
i wonder if you will ever learn
why don't you ever learn
come on now
do that stupid dance for me
you do what they tell you to do
you say what they say
you try to be
everything to everyone
you jump through the big hoop
you play all the right games
you try to be
everything to everyone
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall
yeah you do it again
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall...
Now this came just a few years after my brother wrote a report in high school about how I was his hero. It really tore me up. And he was right. But, apparently I haven't completely corrected the problem and don't know the procedure to do so.
I think this particular trait of embracing darkness is even reflected in my music and movies - the darker and more depressing the better!
The biggest farce is I have always thought I was emotionally STRONGER than most and thus take hits for people because I know I can deal with it better than they can (and I hate to see others hurting) - but in reality maybe I'm weaker than most and take the hit for people because I like the pain. I suppose there is a chance this could play into some sort of positive role in life somehow - as twisted as that may seem. Or maybe I'm just setting up a justification if I can't find a way to accept positive things in my life in the areas I crave the most.
When I was in college and really going through some tough times with drugs, alcohol and, most importantly, self esteem, I remember my brother telling me on the phone that he heard a song that reminded him of me. The song was "Everything to Everyone" by Everclear. The lyrics are:
you put yourself in stupid places
yes i think you know it's true
situations where it's easy to look down on you
i think you like to be the victim
i think you like to be in pain
i think you make yourself a victim
almost every single day
you do what you do
you say what you say
you try to be everything to everyone
you know all the right people
you play all the right games
you always try to be
everything to everyone
yeah you do it again
you always do it again
you say they taught you how to read and write
they taught you how to count
i say they taught you how to buy and sell
your own body by the pound
i think you like to be their simple toy
i think you love to play the clown
i think you blind to the fact
that the hand you hold
is the hand that holds you down
chorus
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall
yeah why don't you ever learn
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall
i wonder if you will ever learn
why don't you ever learn
come on now
do that stupid dance for me
you do what they tell you to do
you say what they say
you try to be
everything to everyone
you jump through the big hoop
you play all the right games
you try to be
everything to everyone
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall
yeah you do it again
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall...
Now this came just a few years after my brother wrote a report in high school about how I was his hero. It really tore me up. And he was right. But, apparently I haven't completely corrected the problem and don't know the procedure to do so.
I think this particular trait of embracing darkness is even reflected in my music and movies - the darker and more depressing the better!
The biggest farce is I have always thought I was emotionally STRONGER than most and thus take hits for people because I know I can deal with it better than they can (and I hate to see others hurting) - but in reality maybe I'm weaker than most and take the hit for people because I like the pain. I suppose there is a chance this could play into some sort of positive role in life somehow - as twisted as that may seem. Or maybe I'm just setting up a justification if I can't find a way to accept positive things in my life in the areas I crave the most.
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