ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND

I'm not sure that this post is going to make any sense really but here goes nothing:

I was going to write about how I used to be a happy-go-lucky person but how I lost that luster for life in some way over the years. I lost that carefree attitude somewhere along the way. But as I thought a bit deeper about this observation I realized it was completely false. I was never carefree and happy-go-lucky. I've always been self conscious and reflective with a deep sense of longing. I think the only difference might be that I found some self discipline. And maybe even a little hope. That combination seemed to stabilize my life a little.

Wouldn't it be nice to be carefree? To just live life with the idea that you only have so much control so don't worry about anything else. I believe that to be true but I can't seem to keep that thought in my head at all times. I wish I could. I know people who can and I'm jealous of it. Sometimes I look at these happy-go-lucky individuals as idiots in a way. I say to myself - can't they see all the ugliness in the world? But maybe I'm the idiot. They realize there is only so much they can affect. I dwell on so many things that I can't fix or contribute positively towards.

I wish I could be that guy that watches the news, shakes his head at the chaos, and turns off the television. And with that loss of electricity to the television, my mind simultaneously powers down the negativity.